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Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Mark Kerry/archive1

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by Karanacs 14:11, 29 July 2010 [1].

Mark Kerry edit

Mark Kerry (edit | talk | history | protect | delete | links | watch | logs | views)

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Nominator(s): YellowMonkey (vote in the Southern Stars and White Ferns supermodel photo poll) 01:22, 14 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]

An Australian backstroke swimmer active from the mid 1970s to 1984. Won an Olympic gold medal in 1980. He was also a model(!) and later a businessman. YellowMonkey (vote in the Southern Stars and White Ferns supermodel photo poll) 01:22, 14 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]

  • Comment—no dab links, no dead external links. Ucucha 06:02, 14 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Just a quibbling point: the photo is of a beach quite a way north of Wollongong. North Wollongong is barely a blurry speck in the distance. This is Wollongong. --Mkativerata (talk) 19:30, 14 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Done YellowMonkey (vote in the Southern Stars and White Ferns supermodel photo poll) 00:59, 15 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Sources comment: No sourcing issues, all OK Brianboulton (talk) 10:00, 15 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]

General comment: I've not had time to read the whole article, but I noticed a couple of rather clumsy sentences in the last section:

"After the Games, Kerry retired from competitive swimming career and worked in Los Angeles as a male model and hosted a cable television fashion show." (Two "ands")
"After this, Mark worked as the managing director of another firm, before starting a new recruitment business with his brother, K2 Recruitment & Consulting." Why has he suddenly become "Mark"? Also, the phrasing at the end of the sentence is in the wrong order.

Brianboulton (talk) 10:00, 15 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Fixing. I deliberately did the Mark thing because of his brother also being Kerry, but that can be avoided YellowMonkey (vote in the Southern Stars and White Ferns supermodel photo poll) 00:23, 16 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support I've fixed some ugly speeling errors but other than that I see no problems with the prose. The article is a bit dry, but it is comprehensive, well-sourced and in my view meets the FA criteria. A couple of minor points
    • should "extra payment" in the final section be "extra payments"?
    • The last two sentences in the lead can probably be pared back into a general statement about his business career, but that's just my personal preference.
  • Cheers --Mkativerata (talk) 21:59, 20 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]
It would presumably be some PAYG but not sure, have to avoid the plural/singular dichotomy in the wording YellowMonkey (vote in the Southern Stars and White Ferns supermodel photo poll) 00:45, 21 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support Reads very well. Very detailed and interesting; the sections with the results can be a little hard to get through, but there's no real way around that. A few minor points.
    • "whom he regarded as a perfectionist who emphasised technique and convinced him to concentrate on backstroke." A little too much in one sentence?
    • "Kerry endeared himself with the surf" Not quite sure I understand what this means. Does it mean he liked the surf of it liked him?
    • 4 refs for breaking the curfew, but no details about what happened. I don't think 4 refs are needed as it stands but would like to know more about it as it was obviously significant.
    • "This time, Australia was regarded as a medal chance, but were not seen as the main threats" Was/were in the same sentence? Should they not be the same?

Otherwise, seems good. --Sarastro1 (talk) 10:08, 21 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Done, he was late because he was courting someone. his teammates were drinking YellowMonkey (vote in the Southern Stars and White Ferns supermodel photo poll) 02:27, 22 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comments – Read through the article and didn't find anything serious to comment on, just the handful of minor issues below:

  • Non-breaking spaces needed for the dollar amounts in the lead (e.g.: AUD22.7 million). The body is going to need them as well.
  • Is it Indiana University or University of Indiana? The lead and body differ; for what it's worth, our article goes to the former.
  • US college stint: We have an article for United States Swimming Championships, if you feel it would be helpful. It's not much of an article though, to be honest.
  • 1980 Olympics: De-capitalize World in "Western World".
  • Comma after Tonelli in "Kerry's team-mate Tonelli however"?
  • Should there be a colon or something directly before the block quote (in "He said")? Giants2008 (27 and counting) 00:33, 25 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Done all YellowMonkey (vote in the Southern Stars and White Ferns supermodel photo poll) 04:31, 26 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Support – The criteria seem to be met here. Reasonably well-written, sourced nicely, and seems comprehensive enough. Giants2008 (27 and counting) 02:12, 28 July 2010 (UTC)[reply]


The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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