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Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Janet Jackson's Rhythm Nation 1814/archive1

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by Karanacs 15:08, 14 September 2010 [1].

Janet Jackson's Rhythm Nation 1814

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Janet Jackson's Rhythm Nation 1814 (edit | talk | history | protect | delete | links | watch | logs | views)

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Nominator(s): The Bookkeeper (of the Occult) 07:26, 30 August 2010 (UTC), Ga Be 19 19:14, 31 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I am nominating this for featured article because... I am the primary editor. I originally planned to nominate this article right after Control (Janet Jackson album) passed FAC, but went on a wikibreak. The article has had a peer review and has been copyedited by editors other than myself. The Bookkeeper (of the Occult) 07:26, 30 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Co-nominator, relatively new on Wikipedia, requested help in the nomination process. Ga Be 19 19:14, 31 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Removed wikilink since there is not a direct page to link with. The Bookkeeper (of the Occult) 08:14, 31 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Sources comments

  • Consistency: generally "retrieved", but ref 21 and everything from 74 onward has "Retrieved".
  • Ref 80: Note source is in German
  • Ref 81: What makes http://www.chartstats.com/albuminfo.php?id=8600 a reliable source?
  • Ref 82: As CRIA is an organisation, not a printed source, it should not be italicised.
  • Same applies to the sources in refs 83-85

Otherwise all sources look OK. Brianboulton (talk) 15:41, 30 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I believe I've taken care of the sourcing problem. Replaced a few links and changed some of the values used in the templates. The Bookkeeper (of the Occult) 08:14, 31 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Added additional rationale to show the variation in sound found in the two samples. The Bookkeeper (of the Occult) 08:14, 31 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

General comments: This is a long and pretty comprehensive article, obviously the product of hard work. I'm not well versed in Janet Jackson's music, or of this kind of music generally, so I apologise if some of my comments read naively. There are rather a lot of smallish prose niggles, which make me think that the article needs a full copyedit pass. I'm not through yet, but here are some points to work on:-

  • Lead: I have done a couple of copyedits. Can you look at the following points:-
    • "Although critics viewed the album's theme as transparent..." What did the critics mean by this?
    • "soft balladry": could there be a link to one of the sections of the ballad artice, to help readers understand this term?
    • It's not necessary to list the titles of the seven songs in the lead.
    • Capital C in certified?
    • I'd put "fourteen million" in numeric form, as you have with other large numbers later in the article.
  • Outside the lead, some general points, mainly prose issues
    • The "conception" section is rather crowded out, by the tail of the infobox and two quote boxes. I'm not sure that either quote box is really necessary; certainly no more than one.
    • The title does not read like a "composite" of the pledge and the creed. You could say the title was "drawn from", or perhaps "inspired by", but it isn't a composite.
    • "Complete lyrics were included in the album." Not sure what that means; copies of the lyrics?
    • References to "Jam" or "Jimmy Jam" read unencyclopedically, and should be made more formal
    • "Author Ken Hughes of Keyboard Magazine notes that although considered to be crude by modern standards,..." What exactly is considered crude, and by whom?
    • Is it appropriate to have critics' comments at this stage of the article?
    • "whose", not "who's"
    • "the album debut at number 28" Presumably "debuted"?
    • "1,000,000 units" and "four million copies" in the same paragraph (and "fourteen million" and "four million")

Brianboulton (talk) 22:25, 13 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I believe I've addressed your points, barring: 1) Jimmy Jam (Like Sting, Madonna or Lady Gaga) known exclusively by his stage name rather than his birth name, so I'm not sure how you'd would reword those statements. 2) The critic's comments are included for his explanation of the structure of the music, not its reception. 3) Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe the rule is words over "ten" are written numerically and words under "ten" are spelled out. The Bookkeeper (of the Occult) 07:04, 14 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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