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Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Eshmun Temple/archive1

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was promoted by Karanacs 14:47, 15 September 2010 [1].

Eshmun Temple edit

Eshmun Temple (edit | talk | history | protect | delete | links | watch | logs | views)

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Nominator(s): Eli+ 16:02, 19 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I am nominating this for featured article because i believe it meets the FA criteria. The article went from being a minor stub to a thoroughly referenced collection of valuable information. thank you for taking the time to review this entry.Eli+ 16:02, 19 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

  • Comment—no dab links, no dead external links. Ucucha 16:13, 19 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment: all images are in the public domain, or licensed under free licenses. Imzadi 1979 → 06:38, 20 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Sources comments

  • Some of the information given as footnotes needs to be cited to sources. For example, what is the source of the description shown as Note 7? What is the source of the translation in Note 9
  • Nitpicks:-
    • Is ref 4 in French?
    • Ref 9: Books on Demand is a vanity publisher. Should be noted "self-published".
    • Publisher locations should be given consistently - all or none.
    • "pp." should be used for page ranges. "p." for single pages

Otherwise sources all look OK Brianboulton (talk) 21:23, 20 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

  • Comment by nominator reference issues are fixed, references to notes added Eli+ 09:59, 21 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support Comments - beginning a read-through now. I'll make straighforward copyedits as I go. Please forgive me and revert any which accidentally change the meaning. I will jot questions below: Casliber (talk · contribs) 02:33, 23 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]
I'd move the last sentence of the Historical background section to the Construction section as it fits in better in the latter section. It cannot easily be appended to the previous paragraph in the former section.
haphazardly... - do you mean "by chance" here?
not a deal-breaker. Casliber (talk · contribs) 11:36, 24 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Citrus groves, known as Bustan el-Sheikh - I italicised this as this is the correct use not quotes for foreign terms - you may want to put the arabic letters here too? Not essential but I think it is a nice touch.
Might be a good idea to link hydraulic but question is where to...

Overall, I am leaning to support in terms of prose now - I think it is a well-rounded article, but I have no idea whether it is fully comprehensive. It appears so but I am not familiar with the subject matter so will await someone with more background expertise in the area. Casliber (talk · contribs) 04:07, 23 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

  • Comments
  • The intro mentions Eshmunazar II, the Achaemenid Era, Bodashtart and Yatan Milk but without dates. They could all do with a rough date range in brackets.
  • "Ydll" spring - is this the name of the spring? If so, this could be made a little clearer (perhaps by removing the quotes?)
Maybe your explanation below could be put into a footnote in the article. Simon Burchell (talk) 18:37, 23 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • ...especially those inscribed with ancient texts... - perhaps "ancient texts" could be wikilinked to something relevant, maybe the script they were written in or something?
  • (Eshmun section) "...Eshmun was the Phoenician god of healing..." then "...he is one of the most important divinities...". Is or was? Is Eshmun still worshipped in any form? If not then this should be past tense.
  • "The myth of Eshmun was related by Damascius and Photius": Perhaps a brief description of each e.g. "by the 5th-6th century CE Athenian philospher Damascius" or something better.
  • The wikilink to Asclepius should perhaps be moved. At the moment "Asclepius River" links to the article on the Greek deity. This should be de-linked (or linked to an appropriate river article) and the link moved to the first mention of the god in the Eshmun section.
I've added in a couple of wikilinks. I've gone through the first couple of sections and I'll carry on from Historical background later. So far it looks like a nice article and all my comments above are just nitpicking.
Simon Burchell (talk) 11:44, 23 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment by nominator ^^ that's what i call reading between the lines, thanks mates :)
  1. I purposefully kept the quotes when referring to the YDLL spring, some sources write it as Yidlal, others omit the vowels; you see, the Phoenicians did not write their vowels so 'Idll could be interpreted as Yidlal, Yodlal, Yadlal, Yidlel, Yedlel, Yedlil, Yedlol, and the list goes on; the word has no equivalent in modern semitic languages (hebrew is usually the reference). i preferred keeping the word in its original written form (YDLL), that's why i kept the quotes.
  2. i linked "ancient texts" to Phoenician alphabet even though inscriptions in Greek, Roman as well as other now defunct languages were found on site because the Phoenician texts hold much more scientific and historical value.
  3. other issues>> FIXED, thanks Eli+ 16:29, 23 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • More comments
  • Wiktionary links should not be inserted as hyperlinks (i.e. as external links, e.g. [http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/instate instated] ), rather as wikilinks [[wiktionary:instate|instated]]. I've fixed this in the article but haven't checked if there are any more.
  • Many of the inline citations interrupt the flow of reading and should be placed after punctuation rather than in the middle of sentences. See Wikipedia:Mos#Punctuation_and_inline_citations. This is the only real problem I have with the article and needs to be sorted.
  • I linked Ionic to Ionia, I assume this is where was meant but please check that I got it right.
  • "The extramural Eshmun Temple was associated with lustral cult and healing" - something isn't right here, maybe "the lustral cult".
  • "The notoriety of the sanctuary was far reaching" - Notoriety or fame? The article doesn't give the impression of a notorious site.
I've made some minor changes to the article - please check that I haven't changed the meaning of anything or linked to the wrong place.

Simon Burchell (talk) 18:54, 23 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

  • Comment by nominator Ol Klear, kept the notes though, cannot move these without having them look out of context Eli+ 20:59, 23 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Support Thanks for the changes, I still think "Ydll" could use a footnote with your explanation (see my comment above). Nice article, best regards, Simon Burchell (talk) 06:44, 24 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment by nominator i will try to append the YDLL thingy in a footnote once i get home, i added a footnote about the YDLL inscription, I;m not quite happy with the wording though, could someone please c/e it ? Simon, Ionic link is ok, i don't know how i missed so many links. I'm truly grateful for your help and guidance; thank you all for your time. Eli+ 21:54, 24 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]
No problem - glad to be of help. I've rephrase the footnote. Best regards, and good luck with the nomination, Simon Burchell (talk) 08:31, 25 August 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Support. Some nice writing, although a few glitches are evident. A very good read.

  • I don't know what MOSNUM says, but to me, 1 mi equals 2 km is just too lumpy. 1.6 mi, isn't it?
  • Do you trust Wiktionary? I find it amateurish. And best not to force our readers to go on an expedition to another site to learn what "lustral" means. You couldn't gloss it in parentheses neatly, could you? Same with "instated". They're important to a reader's comprehension ... so teach us on the spot, unless it's really clunky. Actually, "instated" is rather obvious from the context; do we need it to be light blue?
  • "ancient texts" is the pipe for "Phonecian alphabet"? MOSLINK discourages deceptive pipes. Why not "ancient texts in the Phonecian alphabet"? Comma before "providing" is pretty necessary. Can you link Christianity to a section in that article? Is "treasure hunters" a mystery?
  • Possibly ellipsis for last "was" in the lead. Unsure.
  • "The first blow to the Eshmun sanctuary was by an earthquake"—An earthquake belts me with a cricket bat? Comma after "rebuilt", probably.
  • Could the first pic of the inscription be a bit bigger? That would suit the long caption, too, which overwhelms the script.
  • Spring flowers image is fine, although I would put it and the next image at the top of the section on the right (less chance of bad effects for readers with wide windows). Can the ashlar be bigger? It's detail-rich.
  • Inconsistent: 12-foot is main unit?
  • "It is 2.15 metres (7.1 ft) long by 2.26 metres (7.4 ft) wide and 2.17 metres (7.1 ft) tall." Why not do it the neat way that's been used in the previous para? Tony (talk) 13:31, 9 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment by nominator

Hey, thanks for taking the time to review this article.

  • 2km ~ 1.24 miles, i used the conversion templates, and checked against another coverter.
  • i substituted lustral for purificatory in order not to refer to wiktionary
  • i didn't get where i should place the images, feel free to redistribute the flowers and the ashlar pivs as you please, (i don;t own the article :P)
  • you are right the usage of ft as main unit was not smart
  • the dimensions are as neat as they can be, at least to my very limited experience, if anyone has an alternative, please do make the modifications.
  • other suggestions >> done

Thanks again for your time and guidance. Eli+ 18:01, 9 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Image review: Made a few tweaks on the inscription image, but all are fine. Jappalang (talk) 02:51, 13 September 2010 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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