User talk:Yonna95/Disability art
Hi Yonna,
I like your topic, I think it is appealing and link our class with art, thinking about what we can do with art. The outline that you have written is clear. I am sure you will add more sources and fill out the outline in the next stage, and the citation also important for this project.
Comments for Article edit
I enjoyed your topic and I think you’re off to a really good start. One suggestion I have is to be careful with comma use. There were a couple times commas seemed to be overused or a singular comma was not needed. Under “Disability Art”, all three sentences begin with “disability art”. While I don’t think this is a major issue, I think beginning the sentences differently will allow for enhanced flow. Starting all the sentences the same way sounds a little bit like a bullet list. I think the “Themes” section sounds good so far. It has a natural flow of ideas; one sentence leads to the next and it was very descriptive while being concise. I think it could use some grammatical restructuring in each sentence, but nothing too major. The list of disabled artists I really enjoyed reading and I think it’s very good that you added a link to view more artists in the section’s wrap up sentence. The last section has a few grammatical errors to correct, but again, overall, I think this piece is off to a really good start. I think the information provided is concise, useful, and interesting. Marinarasauce21 (talk) 03:19, 5 April 2020 (UTC)
Thank you Marinarasauce21 edit
Thank you Marinarasauce21 for reading and evaluating my article. I'm glad you did because at the time I was unsure about how what I added fits in with the original article. I can make some changes tomorrow and hopefully it will read well together overall. As I posted the picture of artists, do you think it matters where I particularly put the images of disability art or should they be positioned by what is disability art. I feel as though when updating an article I should make it as simple and easy to read. Yonna95 (talk) 02:16, 6 April 2020 (UTC)