User talk:Sugarhearty/sandbox

Feedback=

It looks like all you’ve done at this point is moved the article into your sandbox, and organized the sections. At this point, you should have done more than that. If you are having problems with the writing or finding sources please talk to me or Dr. V and we can find time to help you. As you begin working, be careful to keep a neutral tone, I know LGBT topics can be very charged, and lots of people get very passionate (I am guilty of this) but you need to do your best to present the facts. Kjatczak (talk) 20:03, 31 October 2015 (UTC)

Peer Feedback

Something that needs to take place besides being fleshed out more is not glossing over moments and movements like the Mattachine Society, which does hold a significant stake in how the progression of the LGBT movement has gone down. But some of the older members actually discouraged a lot of the youth who engaged in the Stonewall riots, so I would keep that in mind as Stonewall is sometimes seen as the "Rosa Parks" moment for the LGBT movement because it re-ignited the movement. For your intro paragraph, you did a great job at making sure to link to other pages that are relevant, but try to avoid being wordy in order to incorporate those links. With having four states and four countries, make it really obvious why you need four for each section, otherwise it could come off a bit list-y. By this, I mean show why you need these four states over any other state that has had its own LGBT movement. Otherwise I would just say flesh things out more than you have, there is a lot of information out there about each of these historical moments that I'm sure Dr. V, Kayla, or even I would be willing to help with. If you are having trouble finding information, the library does have an entire section on its website to search through LGBTQ resources that I have found really helpful in my prior research concerning LGBT issues/history/etc. Kkaltenheuser (talk) 19:48, 14 November 2015 (UTC)

Peer Review from ElleMegan (talk) 20:37, 15 November 2015 (UTC)

Hey Sugarhearty! You have some great ideas about how to make this article more internationally-based, rather than just from a US perspective. After reading through your edits, I have come up with these suggestions and critiques:

Writing style: The tone is generally formal and neutral. There are some weasel words, like “in general” and “and otherwise,” which can be removed or fleshed out. What does “and otherwise” mean? There are many hyperlinks, which are all relevant, good job!

Structure of article: I would put the History part first, because this is where most of the information you have comes from. As a reader, it would be nice to know that information first. The article does seem like a list. I believe it might be more appropriate to do a section about the different kinds of movements and incorporate different countries and states into those sections (without headings). For example, a history section, a k-12 section, a college section (which you already have all three), a media section (how media has been involved in student movements, like in Australia), a Gay-Straight Alliance section (how it spread internationally to Mexico, etc), etc.

Content: There is a good start on an international perspective within this article, but there needs to be more information from countries outside of the US. When doing so, make sure to use the US as one of the countries, not the norm from which to base our understanding of the student movement from. Additional research is needed, but the reader could learn a little bit about the international movement from this article.

WP Community Standards: This is a notable topic; it is important to add an international perspective to this Wikipedia article. More work needs to be done in your works cited and gathering more information in general. Overall, the tone seems to be neutral, but I would inspect every sentence to make sure of the NPoV, since this topic, in its nature, can lose its neutrality very easily.

This is an important topic and I think after you really flesh it out, this will be a very important contribution to Wikipedia. I am excited to see the final product! ElleMegan (talk) 20:37, 15 November 2015 (UTC)