User talk:Stojak1/Kickapoo State Park

Comments from Joe.

• Each fact should have a footnote verifying it. If you have several sentences that come from the same source, you can footnote each of them, or you can introduce the paragraph with an atribution, like "According to --source--...." That way a reader can tell that the whole thing comes from the same source.

• Your link to Salines goes to something you don't really want. Also, you need to define what a saline is. (This word is not commonly used to refer to an aquifer. In fact, I would probably call it a saline river (or aquifer, or whatever it is) rather than just a saline, because saline is typically an adjective. Generally, you need to explain more about the waterways. I'm wondering why it's called "Salt Fork" and I'd like to know more about these saline wells, historically and now

• In the History section, be more clear about where the original Indian village was. You seem to imply that the village was in the same location at the park, but you actually need to say that explicitly in the first sentence.

The history section could have a stronger chronological structure, perhaps by use of subheadings. The last paragraph about Blago trying to close it is more of a current event, and ought to be treated in a separate are than the aboriginal history and the general life of the park. Label or signal your subtopic areas within this section more clearly. The history section is not one continuous narrative - it has topic jumps and shifts in importance. Organize it so a reader can easily understand the time frame, location, and the relevance to the article. If it were me, I would use subheadings.

I personally find the history section the most interesting part of your article.

• fishing and boating

I think the fishing and boating section could have more partitioning and a different organization. You develop a lot of

this section around the topic of what's at the Kickapoo landing. But if a reader is wanting to know what the options are for fishing, boating, canoeing, I think they would be looking for those topics to be singled out.

Canoeing, for example, is a totally different activity than fishing, and you would go in different areas (presumably), and you main purpose would be to travel down the river and see the sights. So don't lump everything together.

• References. You have one stray angle bracket. References should include whatever is known for author, article title, title of publication, date of publication. In the case of newspaper articles you will most likely have all of these elements. If no author or date of publication are listed on websites, you can omit that, but every web page has both an article title (the page name), and the publication title (the website name).

• General. You have excellent content. You could improve the organization by better partitioning and subtopic focus. Make sure you linkify everything that can be found in wikipedia, and that you give internal definitions where needed. Proofread and smooth out sentence style. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Joegrohens (talk • contribs) 16:53, 1 December 2010 (UTC)