User talk:Samanthaklos/Women and the environment

Adding to a Wikipedia article

Hi Samanthaklos, I think you want to recopy and paste the paragraphs in your sandbox draft. To do so, you want to go to the Wikipedia article and open it in the editing mode, select and copy the needed paragraphs. By doing so, you will keep all the references and hyperlinks of the current article in your Sandbox draft.

I think one way to expand the section on "Climate change and women," instead of adding a separate section on Southeast Asia, you might consider add some sentences in various places in this section to highlight the presence of Southeast Asia. Let's think about this and discuss it in class today. Hieup (talk) 14:45, 21 March 2022 (UTC)hieup

revised editing plan

will be changing my edits to be in the farming and agriculture section of the original article. This is split up by region so I will add a new one on Southeast Asia using my many sources/case studies that references agriculture and women in the region. No longer working on the "climate change and women" section. Samanthaklos (talk) 17:57, 21 March 2022 (UTC) — Preceding unsigned comment added by Samanthaklos (talk • contribs) 17:54, 21 March 2022 (UTC)

First draft Feedback

You're having a great draft. Here some of my suggestions:

• Write a lead (topic) sentence for your paragraph: use [source] to extract statistics; include points of development, agriculture and women. Save the idea about climate change for the second sentence.
• Remove the phrase of “Southeast Asia” in the current first sentence to merge your paragraph with the edited section.
• Sentence associated with source #18 should directly talk about women issue. Consider to add the second source to this sentence by referring to the following: Park, Clara Mi Young. "Gender and generation in rural politics in Myanmar: a missed space for (re) negotiation?." The Journal of Peasant Studies 48, no. 3 (2021): 560-585.
• Clarify this sentence: “Out of Myanmar residents…” (Do you continue referring to Dawei? Or are you referring to cases in countries other than Myanmar?)
• It’s OK to cite source #19 one time since it appears in 2 consecutive sentences. Same about source #20.
• Reduce the last 3 sentences about VN into 2 sentences. The key points to keep: “because of their dependency on the land for rice production combined with their role as domestic provider”
• Add one sentence about land grabs in Indonesia: Morgan, M. (2017). Women, gender and protest: contesting oil palm plantation expansion in Indonesia. The Journal of Peasant Studies, 44(6), 1177-1196. (Check our Perusal #3-see the Abstract and the last comment by Ginger).
• Add wikipedia Hyperlinks: ASEAN, Dawei special economic zone
• Citation: I fixed #17 (Paris & Rola-Rubzen) - will discuss in class.
• Find replacements for some terms like “agriculturalists”

Hieup (talk) 11:58, 23 March 2022 (UTC)hieup

Full Draft Feedback

Hi Samanthaklos, congratulations for your great contribution to our Wikipedia project. Prior to our Wednesday class on April 6, please do the following tasks:

• If you don't make any edits on the Lead section, please delete it from your Draft Sandbox.
• Revise the first sentence because it includes a phrase too close to the original. Here is the original sentence from the source: "On average, the agriculture sector employs 26.7% of all of working women in ASEAN, compared to an OECD average of 3.5%"
• On sentence 4, where did you find the source in this footnote? I only can find a conference abstract. Based on the information of this sentence, you can remove footnote 19. Alternatively, you can replace this source with the following: Maung, Pyae Phyo, and Tamas Wells. "Advocacy organizations and special economic zones in Myanmar." Myanmar Transformed: People, Places and Politics (2018): 161-79. (Here is a link to access it through our library. It's a book chapter. Here is DOI# of the book: https://doi.org/10.1355/9789814818551)
• "Out of Myanmar residents who are displaced from homes and their agriculture work due to the Dawei SEZ's development, new higher paying jobs, and usually land rights, are granted to men. " ==> Suggested Revised: Out of Myanmar, as for residents who are displaced from homes and their agriculture work due to the Dawei SEZ's development, new higher paying jobs, and usually land rights, are granted to men."
• It seems to me that you've already made some revisions based on your peer's suggestions. Please make sure to write a short note to the Talk Page of your Peer Reviewer's Page User:Samanthaklos/Women and the environment/Abratner Peer Review to acknowledge that.

Please reply yes to confirm that you've read this message. Hieup (talk) 02:39, 4 April 2022 (UTC)hieup

Thank you for the feedbackSamanthaklos (talk) 04:42, 4 April 2022 (UTC)

Yes, I received your feedback. I am going to incorporate all of your suggestions. I left a message for Abby to acknowledge her peer review. Thank you! Samanthaklos (talk) 04:42, 4 April 2022 (UTC)