User talk:Ragesoss/Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists
Dear Article Author,
Greetings! I have read your article and I believe that you need to make several majors adjustments. For one, you should include a 2-3 paragraph introduction that summarizes the entire article. In addition, I think that you should divide the entire article into sections. Finally, in the sixth paragraph, you talked about what scientists were doing before the dropping of the atomic bomb in the Japan. If you are going to do this, I think that you should talk about it at the beginning of the body of the article. I hope that these comments help.
Sincerely, Gilbert Lee4 21:15, 5 December 2006 (UTC)
I thought that your paper was a very informative discussion of the Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists. You say The Bulletin was made to educate not only scientists, but also the "public" - what exactly do you mean by the public? Was the average reader an upper-class male or a middle-class housewife? Using words like "the public" or "the average American" is not very accurate because in reality, the public is not a uniform body of people. In addition, you should definitley divide your paper into sections, i.e. Intro, development of the Bulletin, historical context, etc. As it is now, the paper was somewhat hard for me to follow in terms of the points you were trying to make. However, I think that once you divide the article into sections, and you include introduction and conclusion sentences, your paper will be even more clear and enjoyable to read.128.36.38.249 03:41, 6 December 2006 (UTC)Jenna Friedenthal
Review by Aidan:This is a very informative and well written article about “The Bulletin.” Something you may want to do in the first sentence of your introduction is explain what "The Bulletin" is in order to clarify for the reader. Additionally, I agree that segmentation of your article would help clarify what the main topics of discussion are. There are a few areas in the text that would help clarify the historical context if you added dates in parentheses next to historical events, for instance when you mentioned, “When the first atomic bombs were released on Hiroshima and Nagasaki” it would help give a timeframe to the reader if you specified the year it occurred. In your article “scientists” are referred to several times, it could be helpful to explain what is meant by scientists, for instance was the bulletin targeted for specific scientists? And if not, you could possibly clarifying by stating that it had a very broad audience made of scientists from varying fields.