User talk:Mikaylabetton/sandbox

Comments

Mikaylabetton, this is a succinct and relevant summary of the main developments of the strike. I think what's needed is a small bit of reorganization, perhaps some sub-headings, and a good copy-edit.

For reorganization, I suggest that you begin by offering the who-what-where-when of the strike. If someone said "What is the Chinese Student Strike of 1922-23," how would you answer them in one or two sentences? "The Chinese Student Strike was a protest of ..." Include the dates when it began and ended, the number of students involved, the school board where it took place, the reason for the strike - segregation - and the outcome - that segregated schools were closed and Chinese-Canadian students readmitted to regular schools. This gives you a good lead section, and readers get all the information they need quickly, and then can read further depending on their interest.

For sub-headings, you could then create subheadings such as: School board proposes segregation; Strike begins; Community response; Resolution of the strike

I think you could also elaborate in places. What was the Chinese Canadian Club? Who were its members? Ditto with the Chinese Canadian Business Association. You can briefly describe these organizations, and doing so will help the reader better understand the events.

And a good copy-edit! I see several missing words in sentences. Also, when you begin a sentence with a date, preface it with "on." On 6 September, 1922..." Cliomania (talk) 03:48, 31 March 2016 (UTC)