User talk:Mako021/sandbox

Hi Mako021! There is a lot of potential routes you can start your draft. I made suggestions below on ideas you can focus on:

You can incorporate a new section that focuses on the reproductive structures of the dogfish
You can provide a new section on the developmental stages of a dogfish (fertilized egg -> larva -> embryo -> juvenile fish)
You can provide a new section on the rate of successful offspring produced annually
You can also provide a new section on how they select their mate

Hopefully these ideas can help you start your draft or lead you into the direction of your topic.

I recommend finding peer reviewed articles like different anatomy textbooks that describes the reproductive structures and developmental stages. I also recommend finding images and visual representations of these reproductive structures and developmental stages as well. My Unique Deoxyribonucleic Acid (talk) 22:46, 25 March 2022 (UTC)Reply

Hi Macko021, I enjoyed looking over your week 6 proposed edits. I liked how your structured your draft by clearly outlining your goals of looking for sources and images to add information to the Dogfish Wikipedia page. You made it super easy to access your group talk page with your guy’s group work! You labeled each group members contributions, it appears all group members are equally contributing. It did, however, look like there was still a need to find some more sources. The article you chose to edit was not clearly linked, I assumed it was the Dog fish page. Looking at your general ideas I think you could benefit from finding a peer-reviewed source for yours on the topic of urogenital anatomy. Potentially use google scholar as they often have reliable peer- reviewed sources. It seems like you have a clear plan of what images you want to contribute and a good textbook reference. I would love to see more edits from you, maybe put a section before and after edits so we can easily tell your contributions! Other than that great work Mackenzie. Sunsetblvd13 (talk) 19:20, 3 April 2022 (UTC)Reply

Hi Mako021,

Here are my edits from our peer reviews of our drafts. Overall, I think you have a great start! It looks like you have a good chunk of information that will be helpful for readers to know.

Article edits all appear to be neutral.

The source for the urogenital anatomy of the dogfish shark doesn’t appear to be a peer reviewed article. It looks like it is maybe a lab activity for a university. I think this would go along with what Dr. Schutz mentioned in class today about how the information that she gives in lectures and in course material should in theory be accurate because she is pulling from sources and known what she is speaking on, but because there is no one peer reviewing her work, it doesn’t make for the best article to use as a resource.

The sentence on pup growth is a little confusing to me, I’m not sure what is meant by they are “born live”.

The sandbox isn’t clear on exactly which article is being edited. I would assume it is the Spiny Dogfish article, but I don’t think it would hurt to include another clear statement on this before your draft edits.

I think you could benefit a lot from using the cross-out feature. It is hard for me to know if the draft you included is all your own writing or if parts of it are your own writing that you added to the original article. It would be more beneficial to show which exact parts you are changing so that I can see exactly what you changed and how you changed it in order to see the benefit of it. This would also be helpful because there are some terms/concepts that were mentioned in your draft that I think might benefit from including a little more explanation on for clarity and to show the importance of it, but I am unsure if maybe this was already mentioned in the article somewhere else. For example: what are oviducts? What is the cloaca? Things like this that would help the reader get a better understanding of the entire picture/system that you are describing in.

Solely based on looking at the group sandbox (I’m not sure if maybe this wasn’t updated and there is other information elsewhere), but it looks like there is a bit of an uneven distribution of edits between group members. It appears that maybe there are some things that are still a work in progress, for example your section on growth that you said you are still working on getting sources for.

It looks like there is a mention of the plans to add an image of shark dog eggs. I think that was mentioned in your group 5 work so I’m not sure if this is what you ended up deciding because I don’t think it was updated in your week 6 draft.

I think I can partially see what areas this draft will go into; I would assume it would be part of an anatomy section. I think this would also be clearer if the edits were included with what was being changed from the original article.

It looks like both of our teams are working on some sort of fish, so it might be helpful if one of us finds a website that might have pertinent information for both of us to use as a source. For example, I think Dr. Schutz talked about the NOAA page that might be helpful and I see that used as a source for your group.

It think the only links to other pages in this draft is to a source used. I’m not sure if this was done in the original article but it would be helpful to link terms/concepts that are mentioned in your draft to other pages that would provide more information in order to help the reader get a better understanding of what is being talked about. Elephantidae123 (talk) 01:48, 3 April 2022 (UTC)Reply

Draft Feedback

Hey girl! So far, you've made some awesome progress! One quick note though, it's a bit hard to tell which sections / weeks are your individual additions, are weeks 11 and 12 your writing only? In other words, are you adding a completely new section or adding to text that was there before drafting? (I'm pretty sure you're adding a new section to the Squalidae page, this is more of just for the sake of clarity in the case others and/or professor leave comments or feedback).

Some other things to consider:

Week 11

"Reproduction occurs in the winter in offshore waters," potentially swapping word choice to say "occurs during" to avoid repetition of tiny words. Similarly, where? You obviously don't have to go into great detail over the location of their breeding grounds, but a quick note about it could be a nice bit of clarification for those who may be curious or doing research on the subject.
When you say "reproduction occurs in the winter months," are you referring to the fertilization of the egg that happens then? And pups are birthed later in deeper waters? Also does fertilization require a male? It wasn't really specified and made it seem that only the female is involved, which not many species do.
What exactly is a shell gland? Is this part of the female reproductive system? If so, are there any wiki pages you could link that provide a more in depth understanding?
Is the species blastoderm visible with just the human eye? I think your inclusion of the "candle" is super cool, though it makes it sound much bigger than something we traditionally view using a microscope.
"Attached to the gill region..." I would just clarify that this is the gill region of the pup, not the mother, correct? Can also swap the word "which" for "that" in circumstances where you used the word repeatedly.
"may live in the uterus for a period of time" - how long exactly? Is this time part of the 18-24 month gestation, or additional based on the pups needs?
with regards to the male maturity - calcification of what? the claspers? And what about the calcification? Is it simply that some calcification has occurred or are they somehow measuring the degree of calcification within the structure?
"many of the graphs" - what graphs? You mean those that are traditionally used to depict growth rates, or are there some examples potentially from some of your sources / public domain?
Can use words such as "although" or "however" as easy transitional phrases into your next point.
"earlier than one would expect" - what are common expectations? Or is this an expectation based on some trait like size or age?
I would suggest swapping the order of life span expectancy to note average length before oldest age recorded.

Week 12

Maybe also include not just a label for, but a brief description below each image you include, just to facilitate reader comprehension of what exactly they are looking at (e.g. what part is the yolk sac, could you potentially estimate the age of this pup? etc.)
How exactly do males use their claspers to impregnate females? Maybe include a brief description as to how the structures got their name (as they use them to "clasp" onto or better hold the females). Also, does clasper length change after puberty? It sort of felt this was being implied.
"and genital ducts" - swap word "and" for "where" and "were" for "are." Similarly, how long does male development take? Is it any longer or shorter than female development?
the note on calcium hardening, can definitely include a note here that this what "calcification" means and is referring to.
Maybe provide some photos from public domain on male reproductive system, and the differences between juvenile and adult morphology?

Let me know if you have any questions! Most of your potential edits are more just points of clarification that could help strengthen your draft. Icedburg824 (talk) 10:17 am, 6 May 2022 (UTC)

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