What does the article (or section) do well? I think you effectively got your points across and conveyed the information in a manner that keeps the reader interested. The information you included was both relevant and unbiased.
What changes would you suggest overall? I would suggest making the article longer and dividing the content into multiple sections. I also would suggest titling the article because I had no idea what your article was about at first glance.
What is the most important thing that the author could do to improve his/her contribution? Definitely organize what you wrote so far into multiple sections to make it more easily navigable for readers.
Did you glean anything from your classmate's work that could be applicable to your own? If so, let him/her know! Yes, I like how you cited a lot of statistics to more effectively convey information. I may add some more statistics to my article.
Roche.n (talk) 18:10, 25 October 2016 (UTC)
What does the article (or section) do well?
I think you did a great job explaining this concept, especially as a reader who does not have background knowledge in this field. The information was conveyed in a clear manner that was easy to understand.
What changes would you suggest overall? I agree that you should possibly divide this into multiple subheadings to make it easier to follow. Additionally, I would avoid include long quotations (more than one sentence) in your wikipedia article. Along with that, I would make sure that all of your quotes are necessary. For instance, there is a quote for the Kaiser fact, when I feel as though it would be just as effective with a paraphrase.
What is the most important thing that the author could do to improve his/her contribution? I think the most important thing is to ensure that the quotations are always needed. I felt as though having really long quotes in the middle of a paragraph took away from the point and was a bit distracting.
Did you glean anything from your classmate's work that could be applicable to your own? If so, let him/her know! I thought the statistics made the information a lot stronger since it was based in fact. It helped to convey the point of your article effectively. I may try to emphasis some statistics included in my article.