Kapplet

editing in sandbox

Hi Kapplet - I would recommend copying the programming of the article (go into the "edit" page of youth unemployment and copy it all). This way, the formatting will go with you. By November 1, next week, you will need to have done edits so your peers can give you feedback.Prof.Vandegrift (talk) 20:58, 23 October 2013 (UTC)

KappleT

Hello,

Here's a bit of feedback for what your article could improve upon. First, try condensing the lead-in paragraph. It should be a summary that's much shorter than it is right now. Sometimes your syntax and grammar (and leftover parts from the previous edits) are hard to pull my way through as a reader. Try reading over the article out loud and simplifying your sentence structure and information. I'm also a bit confused about what work you've done. I would strongly recommend adding a bolded part in your sandbox at the top about what sections you've worked on to make it easier for your peers to work with. Reorganize the example section into alphabetical order instead of a random list that places western nations at the top. Lastly, I'd consider deleting the scarred generation section. It just seems like it doesn't fit and is not going to have the longevity of truth other parts of this article could have because generations are fluid and the "current generation" is also a bit difficult to place a finger on.

02:33, 24 October 2013 (UTC)AbbeyMaynard (talk)

Draft Feedback

Here are a few more suggestions before taking your article live.

I would look at your classmates' definitions of youth, yours seems to define youth and unemployment basically by using those two words. I would add a lot more hyperlinks to the countries you are discussing. Also, you do a really great job making your article global. Concerning the theoretical perspectives, if you feel you even still want to include them, they need a bit more information. I would also include some examples of the 'informal sector' of work. This is sort of a jargony type word. Remember one last thing, unemploymetn and employment are very statistically different. Be careful of the statsitics you choose to include because there's an important qualifier for being unemployed-- you're searching for work but can't find it. Some of your statistics about youth might not reflect this because some might not be looking for work. To be on the safe side, only include examples and stats about UNemployment.

AbbeyMaynard (talk) 22:11, 13 November 2013 (UTC)

Youth unemployment draft feedback

Hi Kapplet.

You should know that someone has added a Canada subsection in the 'Case studies' section of the Youth unemployment article. Be sure that you don't write over it when you take your draft live.

Here is some feedback on your current draft:

• You wrote that African countries "define youth as someone well into their mid thirties". I think that could be easily misinterpreted without a lower limit for the age range.
• The last sentence in the Africa section refers to "the message the youth are receiving". This needs clarification. Who is giving this message? How are the youth receiving it? Is this universal throughout all African countries?
• If you are so inclined, feel free to expand the lead section. An article of this length will typically have a lead section with three to four paragraphs and will highlight the topics addressed in the major sections. Summaries of the causes and consequences would be particularly helpful.

Let me know if you need any help. Gobōnobō ^{+ c} 20:32, 19 November 2013 (UTC)