User talk:Kachka96/sandbox
Latest comment: 5 years ago by JenOttawa in topic comment
comment
edit- we need page numbers for books
- more importantly the content is repetitive, regurgitating big words in fairly meaningless ways. Please rewrite to explain how each of hypoglycemia and hyperthyroidism can cause hypothermia; please use WP:Plain English where you can and where you must use a technical term, please WP:Wikilink it. It would be good to provide information about how common it is for each of these to cause hypothermia.
-- Jytdog (talk) 21:15, 5 November 2018 (UTC)
- I like where you have gone with this, adding other causes for hypothermia. Agree that some idea of how frequent it is would be helpful - if you have that information easily accessible it would be a good addition. If not, go ahead without and that can be a future improvement. I see that you have explained how each of these conditions cause hypothermia, but it may be hard to understand. Suggest rewording a bit and dampening down the language as suggested by User: Jytdog so that the cause is really clear. "As glucose supply in the brain decreases, the hypothalamus loses the ability to regulate body temperature, which results in decreasing core body temperature and eventually hypothermia." HeatherMurray Queen's (talk) 13:15, 6 November 2018 (UTC)
- You reference looks great. Be sure to format it consistently when inserting it into the text. References go after the punctuation like this.1 JenOttawa (talk) 14:43, 6 November 2018 (UTC)
- I like where you have gone with this, adding other causes for hypothermia. Agree that some idea of how frequent it is would be helpful - if you have that information easily accessible it would be a good addition. If not, go ahead without and that can be a future improvement. I see that you have explained how each of these conditions cause hypothermia, but it may be hard to understand. Suggest rewording a bit and dampening down the language as suggested by User: Jytdog so that the cause is really clear. "As glucose supply in the brain decreases, the hypothalamus loses the ability to regulate body temperature, which results in decreasing core body temperature and eventually hypothermia." HeatherMurray Queen's (talk) 13:15, 6 November 2018 (UTC)