User talk:Jiewlord/Phenylacetone

Adjusted image size

Adjusted 1st image size by replacing "Thumb" in source code with pixel specific size, in this case "484px" RS UBC800 (talk) 21:37, 4 April 2023 (UTC)

Response to Mac239 's peer review

Lead

I will mention the functional groups in phenylacetone in the lead. A summary of phenylacetone synthesis will be included, however, I will not mention the popular culture in the lead as that does not summarises the lead. I will keep clandestine chemistry in the lead as I do see how 'secret' can be a bit vague when describing clandestine chemistry.

Synthesis

I will also include a synthesis scheme for the chloroacetone with benzene synthesis. I will also mention the more favourable synthesis pathway of phenylacetone in an industrial application. I do see the issue with the image and I will address that in the revisions.

Amphetamine metabolism

I will go in depth with the metabolism to hippuric acid and 4-hydroxyphenylacetone. I think that it will be a great addition to mention the toxicity that phenylacetone have on humans and the effects. A brief mention will be suffice as going in-depth will stray from the main focus of the article.

In popular culture

So far, Breaking Bad is the only TV series that I am able to find that fully discusses the use of phenylacetone to synthesize methamphetamine. Finding other shows that did this is not warranted as it will strive too far from the main discussion of phenylacetone. I have found a synopsis of the episode of Breaking bad, where Walter White mentioned the use of phenylacetone in the synthesis of methamphetamine. I have included this as a link to a Wikipedia article about that particular episode, which includes a synopsis. I will move the image to the bottom of the In popular culture section.

Content

This part of your peer review has been noted in the revisions I have mentioned above.

Sources

THe source from 1940 is the most recent article that discusses the preparation of phenylacetone. I will include a source for amphetamine metabolism to hippuric acid and its excretion.

Style

The uses of passive voice has been noted and I will revise the sentences that you've highlighted in the revised article.

Jiewlord (talk) 17:35, 12 April 2023 (UTC)

Style - Grammatical Errors

There are a couple of instances of passive voice:

This substance is used as a starting material in the manufacture of methamphetamine and amphetamine

Sodium acetate or pyridine have been employed in this reaction.

Phenylacetone can also be prepared by reaction of chloroacetone with benzene in the presence of aluminum chloride catalyst.

The amphetamines will be broken down to hippuric acid, where it will be secreted from the body via urine. Jiewlord (talk) 17:36, 12 April 2023 (UTC)

Feedback from Prof

You've added a pair of figures, cut the metabolism of amphetamine figure and replaced it with a bit of text, and cleaned up the references. For this initial draft, you're meeting the criteria of 'non-trivial' improvements. However, the overall scope of your work is on the small side. Note the criteria will be slightly higher for the final version. I tweaked the size of your first image but left it to you to correctly position it. That figure does not show a balanced equation! Give synonyms in the introduction and after that stick to only one form of the name throughout. The naming in your figure does not match either name in text. Your synthesis section outlines one route, but it isn't clear why you're showing that one. Is it the most common? The easiest? The cheapest? etc. etc. Similarly, you mention a 2nd process but there is no indication why it gets less attention than the first. I appreciate you've tried to simplify clandestine, but I don't think it's working. I think you can be more direct and say something like "Due to illicit drug labs using phenylacetone to make amphetamines..." (Also, add a few words into the intro saying what amphetamine/methamphetamine are ... not all readers will know these are psychoactive drugs). You have the Breaking Bad info twice in your references, once non-numbered. Jiewlord (talk) 23:31, 13 April 2023 (UTC)