User talk:Gpoulton/New sandbox

Peer Review by Hannah Sherrard

Lead: Strong, really tells the foundation of your artist’s work. However, the strongest part for this section is a direct quote from another source. Maybe just try to find a way to express that sentiment on your own.

Structure: In the first sentence of the “Early life and education” section it says that she was born and raised in 1983 in Enugu, Nigeria, maybe just reword that so it doesn’t sound like she was raised in 1983. In the career section, I would move the 2015 entry into its own line like the others below it. “Akunyili draws on not just her connection to Nigeria but also her differences from both that culture as an American as well as from American culture as a Nigerian.” I had to read this sentence from “Influences” a few times and I’m still not sure what it was saying.

Balance: Everything flowed, maybe just talk about her process a little more and try to work in some examples of her work.

Neutrality: Maybe revisit the statement in the Influences section that says, “may have contributed to the similarities,” I’m not sure if that would count as an opinion or not. I did not find any broad statements, opinions, or assumptions other than the one I previously mentioned.

Sources: Everything looked like it had a source. I would just suggest finding more academic sources, a lot of them seemed to be magazines or museum’s press releases.

Overall a pretty strong article. Hsherrard (talk) 17:49, 7 March 2019 (UTC)

Peer Review by Caleb:

The lead is concise and presents notable information. Organization makes sense, staying chronological and then delving into some process info. No section is too long, they stay balanced with each other. The first sentence in the "Influences" section seems to border on non-neutrality. Consider revising to remove the statement "which may have contributed." Two sentences later in that paragraph ("Her ethnic heritage..." and the following sentence) don't seem to have proper attribution. It makes sense that her heritage and upbringing informs her art, but I don't think the way it is presented here is clear enough. Also the second sentence of the two is worded a little strangely. In the "Early life and education" section, the second paragraph has a sentence starting with "She spent a year studying..." This sentence and the next are very closely paraphrased from source [8], and is not cited. It needs to be reworded and cited to fit the plagiarism guidelines. Sources cited appear varied and reliable, although I can't see what De Gruyter is referring to, and it is cited multiple times. In the Career section, the last sentence of the second to last paragraph states that her painting Drown was sold at Sotheby's for $900,000 but there is no source given. Citations should come after punctuation in a sentence. (United States [De Gruyter 1]. should be United States. [De Gruyter 1])

Overall, the article does a good job of staying on topic and being concise. There is plenty of information, and it is not written in a opinionated way. I know that in the article I'm working on I need to stay more on topic and not delve into personal opinions, so your article is good inspiration for that. The biggest suggestion for improvement that I would give is just making sure you cite everything that needs to be cited.

CRNewton125 (talk) 18:46, 7 March 2019 (UTC)

Changes to make: add Kerry James Marshall as an influence. you can work it like this- In 2009, Akunyili Crosby discovered the artist Kerry James Marshall, who showed black identity in her work and was "unapologetically black", with a western language of painting. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Gpoulton (talk • contribs) 20:46, 21 March 2019 (UTC)