User talk:Gmcoyne/sandbox
Positive Comment: You did a good job defining monoculturalism and I think the definition you provided will really help in discussing factors that might lead to it as well as its other major components. One source of edit: Yes, most of us can agree that Trump has many bias and intolerant views. However, if you are going to discuss this in your article, try not to be biased. State Trump's actions and explain how they relate to monoculturalism. State the facts and others will formulate their opinions based on the facts you present.
GhanatiosMilad (talk) 16:48, 20 October 2016 (UTC)Milad Ghanatios
You did a great job describing monoculturalism in nations of white majority. Maybe you should add some other examples of other majorities to extend your article--Kaixunzhong (talk) 16:46, 25 October 2016 (UTC)
Rough Draft Peer Review:
1)First, what does the article do well? Is there anything from your review that impressed you? Any turn of phrase that described the subject in a clear way?
- The article is well organized and structured. You have clear headings and a clear layout that you followed. The Genocide section is well written and has good examples and factual information.
2)What changes would you suggest the author apply to the article? Why would those changes be an improvement?
- I would make some of the sentences more formal or just restructuring them so it flows better. For example, the sentence “Most obvious is the Holocaust, but further from that is any instance of genocide or simple racism,” I feel can be restructured. I wouldn’t put “simple” near the word racism. Also, scholarly articles usually do not directly direct the reader using “you.” Found in the sentence “...you can find the correlation…” Moreover, in American Politics, try not to be biased. Yes, many of us don’t like Trump (believe me I don’t). However, as you stated, “Donald Trump was one of the most prominent forces…” you do not have an article to back that up. A lot of other politicians question Obama’s birth place too. If you can cite an article that proves this, then it wouldn’t be up for question by someone with a different view reading it.
3)What's the most important thing the author could do to improve the article?
- Make sure you fix some of your sentence's structure.
- In American Politics, don’t use a bias tone unless you can site someone who maybe said something or cite an article.
- I noticed throughout that some sentences are missing footnotes, or sources. I think all sentences that are not your own information should be cited.
4)Did you notice anything about the article you reviewed that could be applicable to your own article? Let them know!
- First, I noticed the “contents box” which definitely makes the article more professional and will make it easier for the reader to know the major concepts of the article. So, I will definitely be adding that to my article. Also, you did a good job expanding on the definition of ethnocentrism and providing examples. You made the examples into their own section which I will look into doing that for my article as well.
GhanatiosMilad (talk)Milad Ghanatios —Preceding undated comment added 19:14, 10 November 2016 (UTC)
Peer review entry one
editThis article does well with defining Monoculturalism and connecting it to ethnocentrism. You also did a great job with describing how current American Politics. I was surprised to see Rwanda genocide example used. The article also has a great structure and headings. I would like to see more examples of genocide used. This would be an improvement because since you have the heading “in Genocide” I expect to see more than one example. There are plenty of cited sources used in this article filled with mostly neutral content. Kaixunzhong (talk) 01:44, 9 November 2016 (UTC)
This article is very clear with providing definitions and making analytical connections between Monoculturalism and ethnocentrism. I think the use of certain adjectives were not needed, as they show a form of bias. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Tega.odjegba (talk • contribs) 12:43, 11 November 2016 (UTC)
this sentence needs a citation Yet, even after Obama's birth certificate was released, Trump did not accept or confirm it until September 2016, during his own presidential bid. also, you need to tie monoculturalism with genocide more clearly. it seems like a jump. Is this linking to another article or becoming part of another article? Ctysick (talk) 16:16, 29 November 2016 (UTC)