User talk:Gingerbmichigan/Southeast Asia coral reefs

How to fit your contents in the current version of the article

Hi Gingerbmichigan, what do you think about fitting your contents in the current version of the article "Southeast Asian coral reefs"?

Reading your paragraph helps me see more issues in the current version of this article. There are many repetitive points about coral reefs in Indonesia and the Philippines throughout the article, while the subsection on each country is talking about what each government is trying to do to protect coral reefs in their waters. I find that a better structure would be similar to that in this article on "Great Barrier Reef." But it'll take a lot of work to edit the entire article on Southeast Asian coral reefs. I agree that you want to continue to focus on adding a section on Thailand only.

I think your paragraph is much better in terms of structure and contents but to fit in the current version of this Wikipedia article, you want to develop a strategy. For instance, I think you want to add 1-2 sentences in your paragraph about the geography of the coral reefs in Thailand (similar to what the subsections on Indonesia and the Philippines do. Then begin a new paragraph starting from "Recognition of both the economic and ecological value."

Finally, if possible, I think you want to add a few words (and a citation) somewhere in the lead paragraph to make it cover "Thailand." Does this make sense? Hieup (talk) 14:29, 21 March 2022 (UTC)hieup

Changes I'm Making

I took away an obviously plagiarized section of the lead and added one sentence of my own that introduced the locality of corals in Southeast Asia including Thailand. My sentence is number 3 of the lead which I bolded for now. Then I added a completely new section on Thailand. Gingerbmichigan (talk) 15:04, 22 March 2022 (UTC)

First Draft Feedback

• On the section on “Thailand,” all read well to me. Since you’re writing a research paper on eco-tourism, I think you want to add some phrases about dive tourism, a point mentioned later in this Wikipedia article.
• Another point I am thinking you can improve is to add one more sentence in the first paragraph about how local community have depended on coral reefs (beyond tourism): fishing, for instance. You might need to find some additional sources for that. The second paragraph sounds very positive, which is OK. But I think you still want to remind the readers about the difficulty of coral restoration in Thailand. This helps balance with the information from other sections on the Philippines and Indonesia.
• The sentence (and source) you add to the led section is very good. To help your peer reviewers, please bolden it in your draft. We can remove this highlight later when you move your draft out of the sandbox.

Love your work!Hieup (talk) 12:55, 23 March 2022 (UTC)hieup

Changes For New Draft

• I added a sentence and source about dive tourism. I addressed a citation re-use by adding another source to that line. I added a line reminding the reader about the difficulties of rehabilitating corals and changed a few words to even out the tone a bit so it isn't so positive.
• I think I will leave out mentioning other ways that coral reefs are used in Thailand by locals besides tourism simply because this is outside the scope of my focus (tourism and regulation/rebuilding of corals in Thailand) and I feel like if I add that I have to write a much more comprehensive assessment of corals in Thailand. My hope is that this section is gradually added to by other authors.

Gingerbmichigan (talk) 14:33, 26 March 2022 (UTC)

Got it. Thanks. Hieup (talk) 23:13, 5 April 2022 (UTC)

Full Draft feedback

Congratulations for your contribution to our Wikipedia project. Before moving your article live, please leave a message to your peer reviewer and check the following suggestions:

• The sentence you added to the lead looks good to me.
• "Expansion of tourism on Thailand's coastlines" => shall we change to "Expansion of coastal tourism in Thailand" [I like this sentence, btw]
• "such as limiting the number of tourists that can visit certain islands in a year or implementing fees that would go towards counteracting the environmental damage on corals caused by tourism." ==> I would begin a sentence here (The original sentence is too long): For instance, Thailand has attempted to limit the number of tourists...
• In the sentence that begins with "Efforts to rebuild reefs," you can remove "damaged by both bleaching events and tourism." (this point is clear in the earlier segment)

Overall, I am happy with this version. You've maintained well a tone of neutrality while attempting to include both negative and positive aspects of coral reefs issue.

Please reply Yes to acknowledge that you read my message. Thanks!Hieup (talk) 23:25, 5 April 2022 (UTC)hieup

Yes thank you Gingerbmichigan (talk) 01:35, 6 April 2022 (UTC)