User talk:Fred Bokker/sandbox

Errol Sawyer

Hi Fred Bokker, as requested at the Teahouse I have reviewed your article and you have made an excellent start. These are my thoughts;

• the sentence " At Mickey Ruskin’s club Max’s Kansas City, where he was a regular visitor, he met Jimi Hendrix, Robert Rauschenberg, Larry Rivers, Claes Oldenburg, Andy Warhol and Diane Arbus who made a portrait of Errol in her studio" seems to be puff - see WP:PUFF
• under Early Life, the second paragraph needs further citations.
• I believe there are too many quotes - see WP:QUOTEFARM. The article will flow better if the quotes are reduced and paraphrased, especially the first quote which is very long.
• Errol Sawyer's website is a self-published source and an independent reference would be better - see WP:BLPSPS
• the paragraph that begins "In 1978, Sawyer returned to New York" needs a citation.
• I'm not sure listing so many exhibitions and collections is necessary.

I hope this is of some help to you. Happy editing Flat Out let's discuss it 11:37, 28 May 2013 (UTC)