User talk:Dtnguyen9/sandbox/Oswaldo Guayasamín

Comments on Wiki Draft

1. Lead section needs work

2. Endnotes are moved - not sure why

3. Sources aren't academic

4. Early Life section isn't organized chronologically

5. don't end sentences with a preposition, ie. in

6. link to ecuador's civil war

7. third paragraph is repetitive

8. information jumps around in time

9. first section is only 114 words longer for 2 students (should be 500)

Art Career
1. Again, only 170 words added and original text not altered at all. Here's an eg of where you could improve the text: "Guayasamín dedicated his life to painting, sculpting, collecting; however, he was an ardent supporter of the communist Cuban Revolution in general and Fidel Castro in particular who he had a personal relationship with and painted some portraits of." The two clauses don't fit together with "however" and sentences should not end with a preposition.

2. No academic sources; sources removed but not information; incorrect formatting of citations

3. Proofread - missing commas and clunky sentences

4. REWORD: "Guayasamin used his personal experiences with racism and discrimination to his advantage which fueled his artwork.[1]" This is inaccurate and offensive.

5. "co-located" - reword

Melaniehuska (talk) 10:27, 16 April 2017 (UTC)