User talk:Cbettica65/sandbox

I am not sure if you want to put the "An archaeoacoustic study of the Hal Saflieni Hypogeum on Malta" in parentheses, maybe quotations. I am honestly not certain about it but it can be a thought. It was a really good idea to add that Till is an acoustic archeologist because it boosts his credibility on the page. This information also goes along with the psychological effects of acoustics topic I did. Fields18x (talk) 03:08, 1 April 2019 (UTC)

Rapidrider's Peer Review

I don't see a link to the article you are referencing, section/ subheading this will be going under. There is a good paragraph of content but all of it cites one Acoustic archaeologist. It is necessary to have multiple sources for this project. No source citations are included. It is important to use the pyramid writing structure when doing this project. It is specific throughout this paragraph of content.

Some phrases that should be omitted if you want to remain neutral are "of course," which indicates an assumption is being made and some words are repeated multiple times unnecessarily. Using a thesaurus would be helpful if you have trouble. Also, why is this subject important? Has it informed current technological acoustics or something related to music?

Lastly, I would refrain from declaring that the "cave walls have properties to induce altered states of consciousness" because that is a wild claim and has no place on Wikipedia but if some academic journal proved this, I want to see the source.

Hopefully these suggestions make sense. Regards, Rapidrider (talk) 12:51, 3 April 2019 (UTC)

I don't know what your topic is about. I think you should include some more headings and some formattings issues. The content sounds good though. Bokyung0327 (talk) 13:25, 3 April 2019 (UTC)

I would add some headings, helps with organization as well as pictures. Benitalukose (talk) 03:22, 6 April 2019 (UTC) Benita Lukose Hey I think you mentioned very good facts but where is the citation? I am confused about the information you wrote about. You should clean up your work and elaborate more. Robertpark1999 (talk) 13:38, 3 April 2019 (UTC)robertpark1999

Good facts and background information on the topic but I would write it less like an essay and more fact-driven and unbiased.Henrykuv (talk) 16:41, 3 April 2019 (UTC)

This is a good start but try linking the Mesolithic era along with a short explanation of it for context to help the reader understand. I also noticed this sentence "The traveling of the natural acoustic sound has the potential to travel throughout the caves if used correctly." had repetition that did not make sense, so just look out for grammar mistakes like that. Overall this is a good paragraph! Sophieb905 (talk) 01:08, 4 April 2019 (UTC)

make sure to link the article you are editing and finish the notes I see you added at the bottom before submitting it to the editor. Also, be sure to add a heading so we can tell where this is going in the article. I would also take out "of course," in the I believe the 5th sentence and take out "on the other hand" as it is not wikipedia wording.Oliviaohearn (talk) 02:51, 4 April 2019 (UTC)

Hi! So far the information is very engaging. However, you just to fix a couple of things. You should add sources (footnotes) throughout the essay. You should paraphrase some of your ideas because it makes it seem as if you're just putting in quotes without much commentary to explain them. Lastly, hyperlink words to help the readers understand some of your ideas. Otherwise, very good start! Miaeschlidt (talk) 17:42, 4 April 2019 (UTC)

Good start! I think the information you chose to include is great! To improve, I would recommend some changes in your word choice because some words stray away from a neutral, objective tone. Also, I think you should provide findings from another archaeologist to strengthen the paragraph. Awhite07 (talk) 22:56, 5 April 2019 (UTC)

This is an excellent start that can use a bit more work. I really like the content of your paragraph which is key in this case. In order to elevate your work, citations and hyperlinks to other wikipedia articles are essential. I am sure this can be easily fixed. Lastly I would love to see a visual or picture just to keep your article visually intriguing--Laylaserna (talk) 23:00, 5 April 2019 (UTC)