User talk:CJManalo25/Final Draft

Draft Feedback

Hey girl! Honestly really liked that you moved your draft into a separate sandbox (and that you labeled each as "your version") as it just really helps to clarify exactly what you are doing for your edits. Your "plan of action" was also super helpful in better understanding which parts are your particular edits versus the content that was already there.

Some things to consider:

• are there some images from the public domain you could use as introduction to the respiratory and circulatory systems? Like what gill slits and/or spiracles look like, or the flow of water through their system (i.e. like an image depicting the flow of water through the mouth into pharynx & over gills?)

- is there another wiki page on pharyngeal gill slits?

• your comment on angel sharks, is there some benefit to taking in oxygen without having to open the mouth? What is the purpose of this relative adaption that makes it distinct from other shark species?
• public domain image on buccal muscles?
• using words like "although" or "however" make for smooth transitions into related, alternative topics (i.e. your note on great white sharks having lost said structure and thus require continual locomotion / propulsion forward to facilitate proper oxygen consumption).

- when you say a "few species," should likely include more than one example beyond just the great white.

• if you feel adding to the cardiovascular system would be a bit much, don't hesitate to put it in the page's talk page! I'm sure you're not the only one who noted the gap, though for the time being, I think it would be easiest if you go forward with your current plan of making notes about the cardiovascular system within the circulatory system subpage (as they are related)
• how exactly does a single-circuit system operate? How is it different from human or terrestrial lungs? Potentially use of public domain images to provide depictions of comparisons between the two?

- any public domain pictures on general layout of the shark circulatory system?

• love your caption for the image! Awesome description!

Respiratory System (Your Version)

• "and were evolved from," no need for the word "were"
• "gills of other animals," I would suggest saying "other fish," as not all animals obviously have gills.
• examples of species that have multiple gill slits should follow "most shark species,"

- would also suggest lengthening this list as you note MOST sharks have 5, but only list two shark species

• again, "some shark species," should be followed by your example (sawshark), so it reads, "however, some shark species such as the sawshark, can have up to six or seven."
• move "behind their eyes" to after "accessory respiratory opening." It's a bit more clear to state the function or location first, then the name, or vice versa (name first, then function / location).
• what is the evolutionary function of spiracles beyond water intake from above? Why is water intake from above important, or essentially, why did they evolve to have said structures if they can already breathe via mouth / gills?

Circulatory System (Your Version)

• "body temperature similar to water" - I see what you are trying to say here, but might sound better if you phrase it "body temperature which reflects that of surrounding environment / water"

Other than that, you've made some awesome progress and most of the edits are easy grammatical fixes or the addition of clarifying comments or images. Keep up the great work! --Icedburg824 (talk) 00:51, 7 May 2022 (UTC) Icedburg824; 5:50 pm, 6 May, 2022.