User talk:Ashlynhelmrich/sandbox
Hi Ashlyn,
I think you did a nice job of improving the article as a whole. The first section on causes is particularly thorough, and I like that you included both direct and indirect factors that may contribute to pacemaker failure. I also think you have a good variety of reputable sources. I’m a bit confused about why there is a second section on causes. Perhaps it should be renamed to better describe the content of the section, which seems to be device interference. I think this page might also benefit from a brief section or a few sentences on how it is determined that pacemaker failure is occurring versus other cardiac issues since the symptoms are common to multiple cardiac diseases. I also think it would be helpful to clarify whether all failed pacemakers must be removed or whether there is an option to repair them. Do patients just need a replacement? Or is pacemaker failure indicative of some other pathophysiology? Hope this helps!
Kristina --Ksoltesz (talk) 11:26, 5 March 2017 (UTC)
I think overall the article reads very well and you did a good job of improving it! In the first sentence I think you just need to add two comas to make it read more easily: Pacemaker failure is the inability of an implanted artificial pacemaker to contract the heart muscles (,) using electrical impulses delivered by electrodes (,) in order to regulate the beating of the heart. In the introduction I also think maybe move the two sentences about the numerical facts (2.25 million pacemakers, etc.) to a new paragraph within the introduction or a different part of the intro. The intro may flow better if went from complications which can lead to pacemaker failure then into the causes sentence and then the pacemaker malfunction has the ability to cause serious injury or death sentence. I also think the detail within the intro about the causes is good but may be too much for the intro. It may help to take out all the info within the parenthesis and put that under the causes section if it isn't already there. It also may be beneficial if you added a sentence or two (maybe within intro) about why pacemakers and the proper functioning of them is important. Some grammatical/ sentence rewording:
- Causes of pacemaker failure include (not included)
- But if detected early enough, the complications can be resolved and patients can continue their necessary therapy (reword from last sentence of intro)
- The (not this) generator may rotate on its longitudinal axis, causing traction which results in a lead dislodgment. (reword from under Twiddler's Syndrome)
- Slow or (not of) fast heart rate (under symptoms)
- However, (instead of but) the risk is significant... (under causes, diagnostic radiation bullet point)
- I don't think you need to say newer cellphones using these new frequencies, I think you can just say Cellphones using these new frequencies
- Images of internal organs and their functions (add their under MRI bullet point in causes)
- Infection can cause the erosion of part of the pacing system through the skin (through? or throughout or in?)
- Lead dislodgment can cause sensing failure, which occurs when proper atria or ventricular sensing is not achieved by programming the pacemaker (should it be by the programming of the pacemaker?)