User talk:Ariabd/sandbox

Aria's Peer Review

Feminism in Chile

First, nice job editing the article. You mentioned copy editing, but it appears you have added a lot of material in your own wording, which reads with an encyclopedic tone. Secondly, in regards to copy editing, it might help the prose or passive voice of the article to limit conjunctions, auxiliary/transitional verbs (e.g. were given) or use less present perfect and past perfect tenses together (e.g. have had). Henceforth, some of it reads a bit wordy, which I am sure you will correct, as you proofread your contributions the article. However, as your additions may be in draft stages, I believe I am simply nitpicking and quite possibly wrong, since grammar isn’t my strongest suit.

Example:

In the 1990s, there was often a dichotomy between groups that worked within institutions to instill change, and those who wanted to distance their motives as far away from the patriarchy as possible.

Change to:

In the 1990s, frequently a dichotomy existed between groups that worked within institutions to instill change, and those who wanted to distance their motives far away from the patriarchy.

I don’t know, probably a matter of opinion, but the revision does fix the passive voice of the first sentence. Just in case, I have include a link below for a passive voice grammar checker.

https://datayze.com/passive-voice-detector.php

Reproductive rights in Latin America

I found your contributions encyclopedic, highly informative and adding to the overall breadth of the article. They have given me food for thought, and brilliant examples for expanding upon my chosen articles. They read a bit more clean than “Feminism in Chile”, however, small amounts of sentence structure issues still existed. Again, I am nitpicking. The excellence in your writing, has given me a difficult task as a peer reviewer.

I also found your incorporation of the subtopic “abortions” under the “family planning” section, a great addition. Having spent time, and having personal relations within Latin America, I know religion plays a significant role in family planning issues. Perhaps religious values may warrant a mention within the abortion subtopic.

Peer review edit by: Adam Woodruff, Zooshoe (talk) 05:08, 18 March 2018 (UTC)

Peer Review by Sam Negrete

    Lots of work has been put into the articles, Feminism in Chile and Reproductive Rights in Latin America, and can be seen right away. The sections have a clear introduction as to what the information will be about and is neatly organized. Organization is presented in a manner of history seeing how it begin with the early history and how it progressed over time. New sections with important information has been added, such as the section on Abortion and Leaders of the Feminist Movements. Some of the sections are are much greater in length than others, but it is not a negative thing since it is needed to thoroughly explain the information needed. Sections, such as Religion in Latin America, need more expanding and information to be added. Information may seem that it is not of neutral content but that is because of the overall topic of feminism, but the way that the information is being presented is actually in wikipedian tone.Most of the article is based on positive information and how that has caused feminism to change for the better over the years. Great strides have been made due to these influences; but once again this is needed for the article because of the topic of feminism. Some of the phrases that do present a non-neutral tone through the articles are “As with other countries, the Chilean feminist movement is full of influential leaders”, Her influential book, “Ser politica en Chile” and “that adolescents who are coerced into marriage”(try rewording these sections) .
    Regarding citations and sources, the information provided does not come a single source since 10+ sources have been used so far. Some sections have very few sources used such as Early History of Feminism in Chile only provides one source and that is for the sentence that was added (reword sentence for neutral tone). Regardless, some of the information provided in the copy editing does not provide a citation of where the information came from, such as “Actividades femeninas en Estados Unidos (1915), and Adónde va la mujer (1934).” All the the sections have various citations from different sources making it very well balanced and not influenced by a single author. 
    Information has been added and many sections have also been edited. Good job! The work you've put into the wikipedia assignment is noticeable. Keep doing what you're doing, adding relevant information from various sources and editing sections along the way. This gives me a sense of guidance as to how elaborate the work should be. Great work!

Samnegrete (talk) 02:01, 20 March 2018 (UTC)