User talk:Amondoloka/sandbox
Abder, I think you should add more onto the History of The Diskos-Thrower. I don't think just be giving the date. I also think you can have subsections of your headings. For example under description you could have subsections like composition of the statue, type of clothing used. Designs of the clothing style. Basides this, I also think you should elaboarate more on different styles this image portrays such as the way he is standing, how defined his muscles are, why that specific pose or specific hand. I also think you should add aspects of where the figure comes from. I think it is good how you point out the eye level but try to elaborate more on the fact that facial features are a huge topic in the Archaic and classical style of Art. Also, try to add more photos of the figure from different angles so the audience can get a grasp on how much emphasis the artist put into the back of the figure. One more thing that is worth mentioning is the hair. I think you can find more information about the hair style.
Good start, but a few things!
1. You need to cite the sources in the paragraph, not just at the bottom.
2. You also don't need to say "Note the..." just say that something is. Writing on wikipedia is a little weird because it's so different than what you usually write for class.
3. The Classical period and Archaic periods should be capitalized
4. Maybe try to break up or rearrange the description section so it flows better/is easier to read.
5. You should try to expand the history section to include more information, maybe more about the context in which it was found or about disk throwing in general Kaylauer520 (talk) 15:00, 20 November 2017 (UTC)
Comments from Prof. Paga
editHi Abner -- this is a good start! In addition to the very good comments you received from the peer-review and from your TF, Kathleen, here are a couple more suggestions to improve your article:
- Add a clear title
- Integrate the citations (this is very important for Wikipedia - gives credit to your sources)
- The date, 480-460, is the Early Classical period, not really a "transitional" period. Be careful about just talking about the stylistics and saying some things are more Archaic and some things are more Classical -- that's subjective and not really appropriate for the Wikipedia "tone"
- Add another section or two to discuss the context more. For instance, a section on discus throwing in general, or on where the object was found, or on bronze production, or perhaps on votive deviations (which I assume this is). You don't have to discuss ALL of that, but perhaps 1 or 2 -- this will help fill out your article. As currently written, it would be flagged as a "stub" by Wikipedia