User talk:Alannahmattice/sandbox

Draft feedback

Great sources.

Your sentences could use some work. You might want to structure them differently to try to make them a bit more cohesive - try to make them flow together. Get rid of unnecessary words and make sure that the tense that you're writing in makes sense.

• "In different families there were different mutations..."
• "But in some cases for unrelated families..." Don't start sentences with the word 'But' (or 'and' etc.). Instead you could make those two sentences one with a semicolon and get rid of the 'but'
• "...there was different mutations been in the EIF2AK3 gene..." -- get rid of the word been, it doesn't make sense here.
• "...that make be the explanation..." I think you mean "...that may be the explanation..." -- be careful with your wording, or it won't make any sense!

Make sure you're reading over your work a few times after writing it to make sure that it sounds right - maybe try saying it out loud or getting a friend to read it for grammar. Good choice of article!

Vellichor (talk) 17:55, 4 November 2015 (UTC)