Paige Haywood
Brogno
ENGL 145-21
2 October 2015
[Title to be determined]
((…)) = unsure about wording, phrasing, or is subject to change
(1) There is nothing more intimidating than a blank page. No format or guidelines, just a freeform prompt: “Who are you and what are you doing here?” Twelve minutes of deliberation pass. Still nothing. Grab the Ben & Jerry’s. Thirty-four minutes, take two. I await inspiration, but procrastination kicks flight: clean the kitchen, shower, nap. Eight hours later, I’ve run out of temporizing opportunities. The ghostly document still stares at me pitilessly. Who am I? What am I doing here? This shouldn’t be difficult; why is this so hard? Then I realize: the past eight hours I’ve spent idly delaying confrontation with an inescapable truth: I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing.
(2) From the get go we’re expected to begin crafting a blueprint, to decide what our future holds for us. Phrases such as ‘what do you want do with your life’ and ‘what do you want to be’ arise as early as kindergarten, as though a five-year-old should have a ((clue of his calling)). Of course, these questions were presented in a playful manner, but the weight of their implication petrified me. My fellow toddlers spouted their answers left and right: fireman, policeman, actress. My turn and panic ((detonates)). Yesterday consisted of Crayola crayons, Elmo’s World, and exploring the vast, magical maze of my backyard. Now, at only five-years-old, I’m daunted by my future.
(3) Fast-forward thirteen years and little has changed. What is your major? What are you expecting to do? Where do you want to be in five years? Ten years? Twenty? Except now my fellow colleagues aren’t fantasizing occupations, they are actively and aggressively pursuing them. Childhood has become a thing of the past, although it seems like only yesterday we were toddlers. Imagination once drove our consciousness, delight once purposed our activities, and time was once never of the essence. Suddenly a life without an outline is an irresponsible one. The notorious mid-life crisis has now ((manifested)) within the millenials, before our lives have begun we’re struck ((by calamities of identity and purpose)). We’ve grown outside of childhood’s sanctuary, that of the unknown. This is the real world.
(4) Mankind is driven by the future; we are in a constant state of pursuit at a limitless speed. In this sense, Adulthood is synonymous with the pressure of a blank page, the unremitting pulse of our cursor impatiently expecting an answer. And instead of examining all the possibilities a blank page offers we are pressured to ((fill)) it with empty words by the deadline due yesterday. As panic-inducing as it may be ((…)) I can only be exactly what I am right at this moment.
[Conclusion is not finished yet]