User:Jeanne boleyn/Wikipedians and their historical counterparts
Wikipedians and their historical counterparts is a list of historical personages who typecast various types of Wikipedian editors whom we encounter on a daily basis. If you recognise yourself here, please do not become offended, as I am also represented on this page along with some of my favourite fellow editors. This is meant to be good fun, so as Mick Jagger said to the unruly crowd at Altamont, "Relax, cool out, and get into the groove, babay". Now without any further ado, let's get this show on the road.
Types of Wikipedians edit
- Napoleon Bonaparte. Well, we have all encountered this type of editor who probably dons a cockaded hat whilst sitting on his imperial throne in front of his computer. He needs to dominate the show, so absolutely convinced that he is the uncrowned sovereign of Wikipedia. A self-proclaimed expert in every field, all articles, each word and source has to be approved by Napoleon, or he will rubbish other editors' contributions, issue threats of blockage, reports etc. This is normally done in a flamboyantly articulate style with four-syllable peacock words that he doesn't even understand but look oh-so-effective when he's flinging them at the cheeky peasant who dared object to his arbitrary decrees. Like his namesake, who placed crowns on every head of his myriad siblings, he has fellow editors all over Wikipedia who will avidly join him when he's riding rough-shod over some poor, cringing editor, chanting in gleeful chorus: "We have a consensus, we have a consensus, obey it you amateur or get the hell off this project". Napoleon's personal motto is My way or the highway.
- Margaret of Anjou. The belligerent editor who could start and wage an edit war in front of a blank computer screen. The edit wars Margaret often provokes, complete with personal attacks and a barrage of insults can last longer than the Wars of the Roses, and are usually bloodier, with a higher casuality count, as she gives no quarter to her foes. The only positive thing one could say in Margaret's favour is that, like a malevolent fiery comet, she eventually blazes away off into cyberspace. Good riddance.
- Catherine de Medici. Catherine is the productive editor who constantly uploads new articles, and regards everything she has created or expanded for Wikipedia as one of her own children, so much care, nurturing and emotion has she invested into them. If another editor even so much as deletes a single sentence, Catherine goes ballistic and swiftly retaliates by launching a St. Bartholomew's Day massacre. Unfortunately she is vindictive. Catherine is, however, first and foremost a mother who dearly loves her children, so just threaten one of her offspring with speedy deletion, and she'll quickly shut up and allow other editors into the nursery.
- Wyatt Earp. Wikipedian's lawman without a badge who believes that it's his duty to demand more references and enforce every single rule and policy on Wikipedia even down to the number of indentations on talk pages. He's not an administrator although he behaves as if he were. I have only one thing to say to Wyatt: "Get out of Dodge". He's an officious drag.
- Mother Theresa of Calcutta. This is the editor who keeps a low profile, while quietly editing away, performing all the dreary, boring tasks such as spelling and grammatical corrections, reflisting, disambiguation, etc. She's always willing to help others and she never involves herself in edit wars, therefore none of the other editors even know she exists.
- Charles Maurice de Talleyrand-Périgord, the urbane, smooth operator who acts as Wikipedia's diplomat, always trying to patch up quarrels, resolve edit wars with the minimum of fuss, and a dose of wry humour. No matter how savage the edit war, Talleyrand will elegantly glide into the fray and do his best to mediate, offer intelligent solutions to the problem at hand, and calm the rough sea. We need more of these guys around. Don't bother to attack them as nothing ruffles their feathers, insults roll off them like water from a duck's back. Quack, quack, I'm talkin' about you, GoodDay. You too, Jack!
- Joan of Arc is the Wikipedian crusader with a mission to accomplish. She believes herself to have been chosen by God or whatever deity she happens to worship, that's it's her divine task to put the encyclopedia into order or else to impose her POV onto the Wikipedia community. Thus, sword in hand, she goes off in search of articles that need her miraculous assistance. Joan is a deletionist who is immune to protests of others while she ruthlessly reverts edits and lobs away at entire sections in her personal holy war to obtain perfection or the insertion of her POV at all costs.
- Lee Harvey Oswald is the patsy of Wikipedia, who always ends up getting caught in the crossfire and then taking the rap by being blocked or banned due to the actions of other slippery editors who always manage to escape sanctions. You'll usually find this editor being reported on the Administrator's noticeboard.
- Caroline Murat is one of those utterly annoying editors who is constantly moaning, whining and complaining about others. The truth is that she wants attention, and acting like an infant in nappies (diapers), banging her rattle on the keyboard in a tantrum of outaged fury is one way of getting it. Caroline believes that all of her minor edits merit Barnstars. She likes to hang out at the Administrator's noticeboard putting her worthless two cents in. Nobody takes Caroline seriously. Nobody.
- Oliver Cromwell is the killjoy who tells people not to chat on their own talk pages, deletes images from articles, and reports other editors for their use of foul language. All I can say is : "Oliver, you're no fun!!!!!"
- Jeanne of Valois-Saint-Rémy, is the editor who has created a fantasy world for herself at Wikipedia with bogus degrees and claims of being somebody important in the real world. She backs up all her blatantly nonsensical, inept, and unsourced edits with these spurious qualifications which nobody believes. A legend in her own mind, she is a sad person, to be pitied really, although her fellow editors tend to treat her with scorn.
- Leonardo da Vinci is the valuable and creative editor that Wikipedia needs more of. Highly-productive, cultured, informed, he backs up all his edits with reliable sources, has a rich collection of photographs and images which he generously uploads to articles, is polite and gracious in all his dealings with other Wikipedians. A pleasure to have around this joint. Naturally his User page is decorated with a multitude of Barnstars.
- Niccolò Machiavelli is one of those sarcastic editors who likes to cut people down to size with his caustic language and superior knowledge on all subjects. He has ambitions to become an administrator so will toady the people at Wikipedia who wield the power. In an edit war, he never supports the underdog, just those who are winning by sheer force of numbers.
- Anne Boleyn is an unpopular editor within the Wikipedia community; therefore whenever she tries to be bold and makes an edit on controversial articles or comments on the accompanying talk pages, she always gets her head chopped off. Poor Anne, it's just so unfair; tried, condemned and executed without even a trial!!
Nick is just a nice guy who wants to be liked - Nicholas II is usually a senior editor or administrator who means well and has adopted a paternal attitude towards the other editors whom he, like Tsar Nicholas with his Russian subjects, regards as his children. However, when his assistance is needed to resolve disputes, he is nowhere to be found, and the project is allowed to fall into anarchy and chaos. A very nice guy, he just wants everybody to like him. His personal motto:Don't make waves.
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- Barbara Villiers has come to Wikipedia for the sole purpose of meeting people, using it as a social networking site, making no constructive edits to the project whatsoever save for the publication of her semi-nude photographs, body measurements, and cell phone number.
- Torquemada Here is a really nasty piece of work. This editor/troll/Inquisitioner loves to dig up the dirt on his fellow editors by searching the archives of talk pages to find comments that the editors have said (sometimes fours years ago!), which Torquemada then uses to expose those particular editors in a negative light; an Auto-de-fé immediatly takes place which despatches the poor wee things into the flames that he diabolically lights below their feet. Fortunately most Torquemadas receive permanent bans.
- George Armstrong Custer is a rash, impulsive, rather hot-tempered editor who shoots from the hip without thinking first; therefore, George often gets blocked for incivility and the breakage of the 3RR. With the words Be Bold emblazoned on his battle flag, George rushes in, both barrels flaming, where angels fear to tread.
- Louis XIV is the administrator whose final word is a royal decree; he will brook no arguments once he has made his arbitration on an issue. Even Napoleon has to obey his commands. However, he is not immune to praise and compliments so flattery will get you somewhere, although not everywhere, with the Sun King. His personal motto is: Wikipedia, c'est moi!
- Marie Antoinette is usually very young, often in her teens, and regards Wikipedia as a playground where she can go aroung messing up articles with silly, poorly-written insertions and unsourced information about her idols, usually obtained from fan magazines and cheap romantic novels. When others justifiably complain about her disruptive editing and ask for references, she blithely replies: "If they want sources, then let them eat cake".
- Erik the Red is the hit-and-run editor that I particularily dislike. He can disappear from the project for months, sometimes years, then without warning, he comes along out of the blue with his berserker and leaves a swath of destruction and deletions in his wake just like the Viking raids of yore.
- Jenny Lind feels that every edit summary or talk page comment needs to be accompanied by a line from a song. Jenny doesn't realise that Wikipedia is an encyclopedia, not a night at the opera. Harmless, but rather annoying for some people.
- Perkin Warbeck, is the editor who has countless sock-puppets; to circumvent blocks, bans, but mainly to beat the system and gain consensus for his particular POV. He doesn't fool anybody for long, however. Perkin, WE KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!
- Marie Curie is the highly-respected, no-frills editor who produces well-researched, informative articles on a variety of subjects. Although Marie lacks the creative genius of Leonardo, and alas uses few or no images, her articles do contain plenty of in-line citations to impeccable references.
- Benito Mussolini, is that loud, swaggering and strutting editor who is all over Wikipedia using the encyclopedia as a soapbox from which to air his ranting POVs. A ridiculous, synthetic version of Napoleon Bonaparte (see above), his major contributions to the project consist mainly of making long, rambling, incomprehensible statements on articles' talk pages which nobody ever bothers to read after the first couple of snarling, meandering sentences. Benito is truly embarrassing.
- Bonnie and Clyde are the trolls of Wikipedia. Nothing really needs to be said about these horrible creatures except to remember the fate of the two hell-raisin' outlaws. Trolls, your day will come!
- Jim Morrison is the nonconformist editor who believes that all rules are made to be broken, and that includes Wikipedia policy. His articles and edits are full of weasle words and outrageous "facts", unsupported by inline citations or references. When asked to provide a source, Jim merely scratches his head and vaguely mumbles about having "read about it in some book......".
- The Hatfield clan are tag-teamers who band together to insure that they gain consensus on articles and thus impose their own POV onto the community.
- Nero, Nero only edits articles which lie in his own particular field of interest, therefore any subjects, debates or straw polls outside his domains do not concern him. Were Wikipedia to collapse around him, Nero would continue editing his articles, oblivious to the commotion raging outside his palace walls.
- Vlad the Impaler is the new-page patroller who puts up speedy deletion templates on new articles without bothering to thoroughly peruse their contents. His opinion is: "I never heard of the subject, therefore it's not notable, so I'll just slay it".
- Guy de Beauchamp is the disruptive editor who feels he's truly an asset to the Wikipedia project and that his unhelpful, zany edits are enhancing rather than harming the articles he is decapitating. When you take him to task, he merely cracks a silly joke and bowls along his merry, messy way. Get real, Guy.
- Wild Bill Hickok is the talk page cowboy who goes bucking around various articles' talk pages firing off insults and suggestions from his oral six-shooter instead of getting off his high horse to improve the said articles himself. Wild Bill is a real pain in the crotch.
- Martin Luther King is the idealist who wants to improve the quality of Wikipedia. A man of peace, he detests edit warring and incivility.
- Chief Joseph is the long-suffering, bullied editor or administrator who finally leaves the project after being subjected to a variety of BS and indignities imposed upon him by the unappreciative Wikipedia community following years of hard work. It's a great loss when he blanks his page, closes his laptop and sighs: "I will edit no more forever"