The Ucross (or University Crossings) Hallway Soccer Federation is the administrative and controlling body for soccer taking place in the halls of the University Crossings dormatory on Drexel University's campus in Philadelphia, PA. It is almost always referred to by its acronym UHSF (usually pronounced /'ju.sɛf/ EW-sef).
UHSF represents the hallway soccer teams of all 16 floors of University Crossings, runs floor, and buildingwide competitions, and controls the regulations and media rights to those competitions. Several floors which are geographically in Caneris belong to UHSF rather than the Caneris Hallway Association of Footballers (CHAF). These floors would rather not be named in order to avoid backlash from other members of CHAF. Lobbies do not qualify because nobody enjoys playing against Public Safety, they just yell danger very loudly the entire time like a bunch of vuvuzelas.
History
editUHSF was founded on 21 June 2010 in Philadelphia, PA on the eighth floor of University Crossings just outside of room 820. The federation was founded by three of the worlds greatest FIFA 10 players, and one pretty terrible one. Their names were Scot Davies, Drew Konrady, Steve Pribis, and Matt Ryan. Steve was the terrible one. The concept of hallway soccer developed soon after the friends felt to urge to play actual soccer after wasting a good 2 hours of their lives playing each other as bottom tier teams from such countries as Norway, Ireland, and Korea, but they did not feel like going outside and actually playing. Scot had a small soccer ball that they began kicking at each other like a bunch of five year olds. This kicking developed into a game of two on inside the room that migrated to the hallway due to size constrictions. Thus the first match of the UHSF was played on a pitch made up of the eighth floor main hallway.
The game was entertaining, albeit very archaic compared to the current competitions, with one team wearing sneakers, the other had one player barefoot and one in socks. There were body checks, shin kicking, free kicks taken to the face, and much running and hiding from residents passing by by one Drew Konrady trying to shield himself from embarrassment. As the game progressed and it got hot as balls the teams agreed on the first rule outside of the most basic rule of no use of hands, you must pass the ball once before scoring. It was then agreed to be a game to three, which was then changed to five when the team of Steve and Drew lost the game to three.
The game consisted of ridiculous blasts in the direction of the goal, hockey-esque bank passes off of the walls, and all around chaos. Some in the federation considered striking the ugliest game in its history from it's records while others vehemently wanted to keep its organization's earliest beginnings on the books for future generations to learn from.
Before the Modern Era
editThat disgraceful yet inspired, exciting to the players while incredibly stupid to passersby, single game blossomed into one of the greatest hallway soccer federations in the world. This was the only game to take place before the modern era of rules and restrictions in place now which finds a happy medium between players enjoyment and bystander safety.
The statistics from that inital game are as follows:
| Goals | Assists | Wins | Losses | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Scot Davies | 3 | 1 | 1 | 0 |
| Drew Konrady | 2 | 1 | 0 | 1 |
| Steve Pribis | 2 | 2 | 0 | 1 |
| Matt Ryan | 2 | 3 | 1 | 0 |
The only stats tracked before the Modern Era were goals, assists, wins, and losses. After the formation of the UHSF more statistics were recorded, such as selfish shots, awful attempts, turnovers resulting in goals, and epic fails.
Rules
editThere are some basic rules when it comes to hallway soccer and then there are some rules specific to the UHSF. Only rules for a UHSF sanctioned match will be covered here.
- Never talk about the UHSF. Ever.
- Shoes are prohibited, nobody needs a bloody sock or the feeling like this was a bad idea.
- Diving or feigning injuries results in an immediate beat down whose length is at the discretion of everyone but the punk ass that flopped.
- The ball must be passed once before scoring, even if you are a born goal scorer (Scot this isn't FIFA 10).
- Excessive celebrations are required and goals may be revoked upon of review of said goal under three criteria, Volume, Athleticism, and Gayness. This will be referred to as the V.A.G. rating system.
The following are rules that only relate to shooting and scoring goals:
- The ball may not touch any walls or the ceiling before hitting the goal wall.
- The ball must stay below the trim that is waist level in the hallways, the last thing we need is someone getting their nose broken even if it is made of glass.
- A goal scored by heading a volley is worth 1 goal for the team that scored and 1 goal is taken away from the opposing team for being so bad that someone was able to link together a cross and header in those hallways.
- If the headed goal was just a legit play then it is worth 2 and no action is taken against the opposing team.
- If the ball is headed off of a wall before hitting the goal it is worth only one goal.
- If a resident of the floor that the game is being held on deflects a shot, be it unintentional or intentional, the goal will be disallowed by a Malian judge or someone that resembles someone from Mali. (Although no goal is scored the shooter and shooter's team may whoop the ass of the aforementioned resident.)