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My biography (made for laughs)
editStanisław "Stach" Zagórski (Czekan pl) was born one fine morning in 1602 to a noble family in the Borderlands of the Republic of Poland. Even as a child, Stach had an incredible sense of humour - when he was four years old, he dressed up as a rooster and woke up the whole village for a week because "the rooster had broken down". His father, Jan Zagórski, known locally as "Żelazny Jan", tried to teach his son to be serious, but Stach was adamant - he did not lose his cheerfulness even during military training, when he would replace drills with races with his friends to see who could jump on the horse faster in full gear. At the age of 19, Stach decided it was high time to take matters into his own hands. Not that he was particularly worried about it - his mum simply stopped giving him money to play in taverns. So he joined the Hussars, hoping to combine his love of horses, swordsmanship and... a good joke. His first commander, Hetman Janusz, had some doubts at first about Stach's suitability for the hussars. These doubts were quickly dispelled, however, when Stach put on the hetman's helmet in reverse and ran around the camp, pretending not to know where he was, while laughing louder than the horses at the news that they were going to pasture.
During the Polish-Swedish War in 1627, Stach took part in the Battle of Gniew. The Swedes, seeing him with his huge hussar wings, thought he was some bird of unprecedented size - they even started looking around for nets to catch him. With a full smile on his face, Stach led a charge that brought victory to the Poles. Sweden's King Gustavus Adolphus is said to have said afterwards, "I have never seen such a smiling warrior... and such a fast bird". At Trzciana in 1629, Stach came up with the idea of scattering old, spoiled herrings under the Swedish camps at night. The Swedes thought it was some new tactic, so they started flipping herrings, unaware that they were just giving ours time to prepare for battle. Stach attacked them by surprise, laughing out loud and shouting: "This is Polish fish, enjoy!".
After the end of hostilities, Stach returned to his hometown. He still told everyone about his battles, but always with humour - once he even dressed up as a Swedish king to scare his neighbour, and then gifted him with a barrel of mead because "the Swedes brought you peace and honey". When the Khmelnytsky uprising broke out, Stach was already too old to fight, but not too old for jokes. He sent his son to the front with a letter advising him to "strike first, and then ask if he's sure he got it right". Stanislaw Zagorski died in 1652, leaving behind the legend of the hussar who not only fought for his homeland, but was also able to bring a smile to the face of everyone he met. They say his horse is still running around somewhere today, laughing at Stach's old jokes.