Template:Did you know nominations/Konsert Lentera Timur

The following discussion is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.

The result was: promoted by Allen3 ^talk 10:08, 26 October 2013 (UTC)

Konsert Lentera Timur edit

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... that for her most recent concert, despite Siti Nurhaliza was plagued by sore throat few days before the concert, she's not only managed to perform a 2-hour concert with more than 30 songs, but also played two musical instruments and blew a blowpipe?

Created by Syfuel (talk). Self nominated at 08:36, 7 October 2013 (UTC).

Whole article and hook need to be copyedited for grammar. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 00:25, 10 October 2013 (UTC)

Is it because of the tense that I used for the synopsis? Because I'm kinda confused when I wrote that down and not sure whether I should write it in present or past tense. ==" If not, please point it out and I'll be glad to modify it. SyFuel ^Ignite _Burned 04:36, 10 October 2013 (UTC)

Yes, tense is the main issue (and length). — Crisco 1492 (talk) 07:45, 10 October 2013 (UTC)

Would it be possible to give me a week for it? I just got back home where I don't have constant Internet connection and for the past few days I've been down with severe food poisoning and in the next few days I'll be busy with Eid-ul-adha. If I didn't get back to it in a week, you can remove this entry. SyFuel ^Ignite _Burned 08:36, 12 October 2013 (UTC)

A week is fine (or a little more). — Crisco 1492 (talk) 10:57, 12 October 2013 (UTC)

I've changed the tense to a more suitable one, though I think it needs someone who is better at English to make sure the whole tenses make sense because sometimes I'm absolutely terrible at it. ==" I've removed unnecessary lines, and it is really hard to make it shorter because the whole concert has more than 30 songs plus few additional sketches and guest artists. I think for the hook, instead of "she's not only managed", it sounds better with "not only she's managed". What do you think? :) SyFuel ^Ignite _Burned 06:56, 17 October 2013 (UTC)
I might be able to secure few usable pictures for the article which I think one of them can be used for this article's DYK picture. I've contacted few people, and one of them has responded to it positively. :) SyFuel ^Ignite _Burned 07:35, 17 October 2013 (UTC)

I will try and have a go sometime in this coming week (will be at the Borobudur Writers' Festival this weekend, so no editing). If we polish the prose this might be good enough for GA too. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 08:23, 17 October 2013 (UTC)

Yeay!! Thanks!! No worries, take your time. This article can wait. :) SyFuel ^Ignite _Burned 08:33, 17 October 2013 (UTC)

I got the first four paragraphs. Check my hidden notes. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 08:47, 17 October 2013 (UTC)

I've edited the part with the hidden note. My bad, the concert was supposed to be from September 20-22, with September 24 added to the dates. Thanks! SyFuel ^Ignite _Burned 08:59, 17 October 2013 (UTC)

Thanks! I saw all three hidden notes and I've done appropriate changes to every single one of them. In the case of "Mohd", though usually it is spelt full, I'm sticking with how he's being credited in the concert's tour program and newspaper articles which is "Mohd" and not "Muhammad/Mohammad". For the dresses, though there could be individual dress designed by single designer, the sources on who designed which dress are rather vague. So, to be safe, I wrote it in general. And for the concert's name, I simply removed the confusing line because even in the original wording, I have no idea what's she's saying. LOL! Thanks again! :) SyFuel ^Ignite _Burned 06:37, 18 October 2013 (UTC)
I forgot to mention, I actually used this article as my reference on how I organized the article and wrote the review.SyFuel ^Ignite _Burned 06:43, 18 October 2013 (UTC)

Alright, the article is ready. Hook still has issues though. You need to simplify it. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 13:55, 24 October 2013 (UTC)

How about: ALT1: ... that for her most recent concert, Siti Nurhaliza performed more than 30 songs, played two musical instruments, and blew a blowpipe despite being plagued by a sore throat? SyFuel ^Ignite _Burned 14:21, 24 October 2013 (UTC)

How's my rewording? Look above. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 14:29, 24 October 2013 (UTC)

I honestly prefer the "negative statement" to come first, then followed by what she has done despite having sore throat. There's something about its word order that gives more impact. Lol! If not suitable, we can use yours. :) SyFuel ^Ignite _Burned 14:35, 24 October 2013 (UTC)

The issue with that is that the sentence already has a whole bunch of commas. The "although" or "despite" clause would require its own commas if put near the beginning of the sentence. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 14:56, 24 October 2013 (UTC)

I did a quick check, both yours and my second suggestion have 3 commas each. I really hope you can use my version, but if you find my version unsuitable, we can use yours. :) SyFuel ^Ignite _Burned 15:17, 24 October 2013 (UTC)

That's because you were missing a comma, but anyways, the grammar had some issues to. For instance, "despite Siti Nurhaliza was plagued by sore throat" has to be either "despite being plagued by a sore throat, Siti Nurhaliza" or "although Siti Nurhaliza was plagued by a sore throat" — Crisco 1492 (talk) 22:29, 24 October 2013 (UTC)

It's okay then. I still have much to learn from you. :) We can use your suggestion, I don't mind. This nomination has been here close to 3 weeks. I can't wait to see it make it to the front page. SyFuel ^Ignite _Burned 03:09, 25 October 2013 (UTC)

ALT1 is good to go. New enough, long enough, hook is interesting, etc. — Crisco 1492 (talk) 05:59, 25 October 2013 (UTC)