- The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.
The result was: promoted by Allen3 talk 10:20, 26 January 2016 (UTC)
| DYK toolbox |
|---|
Kashibai edit
- ...
that even though Peshwa family disapproved of Bajirao-Mastani's marriage, Kashibai, the first wife of Bajirao took care of their son Shamsher Bahadur after his parent's death in 1740?
5x expanded by Dharmadhyaksha (talk). Self-nominated at 07:24, 6 January 2016 (UTC).
- Comment: Part of Wikipedia:WikiCup entry.
The hook is simply too long and convoluted. Article looks good - spot checked sourcing, checked for plagiarism, and so on, and - although it could use more context - it's not bad. However, too much is being packed into the hook. Perhaps something simpler? Adam Cuerden (talk) 04:16, 7 January 2016 (UTC)
- Thanks Adam Cuerden for the review. I also felt that its getting quite complicated but was hoping someone with better English would suggest alternatives. How about this Alt1? Too many appositions, I know. But then without those readers will have no idea of who is who. Have also added some more context in the article.
ALT1: ... that Kashibai, the first wife of Bajirao, took care of Shamsher Bahadur, son born from Bajirao and Mastani's marriage which the Peshwa family had disapproved?
- Or do we go with a completely different hook? §§Dharmadhyaksha§§ {Talk / Edits} 04:44, 7 January 2016 (UTC)
- I'd say another hook. It's just a little too much to fit in. Adam Cuerden (talk) 05:32, 7 January 2016 (UTC)
- ALT2 ... after the death of Bajirao I, his first wife, Kashibai made arrangements to train his son from another marriage in weaponry? --Rsrikanth05 (talk) 06:37, 7 January 2016 (UTC)
- I've added links. Think that's GTG.
Adam Cuerden (talk) 08:03, 7 January 2016 (UTC)
- Thanks @Rsrikanth05 and Adam Cuerden: §§Dharmadhyaksha§§ {Talk / Edits} 08:15, 7 January 2016 (UTC)
- You're welcome. --Rsrikanth05 (talk) 12:51, 7 January 2016 (UTC)
- Agreed! Adam Cuerden (talk) 19:30, 7 January 2016 (UTC)
- I've added links. Think that's GTG.
