See MOS:LEAD for help in addressing the following comments:
I see no reason why there should be so many paragraphs. The article has less than 22,000 characters, which means the lead should be no more than three paragraphs long (MOS:LEADLENGTH) Done
The lead section needs to be “a summary of its most important contents”, but it is not. For instance, nothing is included of Pilecki’s life before World War II; Done
Much of the content in the last two paragraphs is excessively detailed for a lead section, and these paragraphs include “significant information... not covered in the remainder of the article” Done
The information in the lead does not need to cited (except any quote you choose to keep in, see MOS:LEADCITE)
It does not but it can be, and this article has been a subject of some edit warring and other editorial disputes in the past. Hence the high density of citations in the lead (particularly relevant to the term volunteer, but some folks have also disputed other statements). I'll see if I can remove some redundant duplicate+ footnotes from it as I address your various points. --Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus| reply here10:42, 11 February 2022 (UTC)Reply
There are redundant citations (e.g. following In 1940 Pilecki volunteered and new communist authorities.) All the references can be moved to the main article (if they are not there already), as the information in the lead is not controversial
Done, although the cavalry masterin the infobox was weird, instead, I've added and linked rotmistrz. I linked resistance to a more general term as the specific Polish resistance link was added to the lead in the expanded early life.
Polish is not linked in the infobox? Poland was unlike, how about Russian Empire?
Happy for these links, but any links to modern Poland are misleading, considering the changes that have occurred during its history. AM
Link Warszawianka Company (Kompania NSZ „Warszawianka in the Polish Wikipedia) in the infobox, using {{Template:Ill}}
Done, and I've added that detail to the body (where it can be verified with the existing refs used there).
Polish Government-in-Exile – small e in exile Done
Fighting Auschwitz: The Resistance Movement in the Concentration Camp should linked in its entirety Done
It might be worth placing the codenames in a separate note (see MOS:FIRST); N
More comments to follow. Please indicate where you have addressed any issues using Done. I will cross out comments I think are sorted, and add a small red cross (N) if more needs to be done to address a comment. Amitchell125 (talk) 16:39, 4 February 2022 (UTC)Reply
Consider putting szlachta in italics and amending to {{lang|pl|szlachta}} to indicate it is a Polish word. Unless you tell me you don't want me to, I'll be bold and put similar 'lang' templates in as I meet them.
If the word is used in English, I think it can be left as it is. AM
had been deported to Russia – I would include that the family originated from Lithuania, according to Ref 7 (Cuber-Strutyńska) Done
The Polish Wikipedia article (and Cuber-Strutyńska as well) gives more details about Pilecki's background and early years. Could these not be included?
See C-S pp. 282/283 (details of the estate he settled in during the 1920s); other useful sources used by the Polish Wikipedia seem to be self-published, e.g. this. AM
Amend ZHP to ‘Związek Harcerstwa Polskiego (ZHP)’ Done
Understood, but I disagree. Where do you stop with providing links for younger readers? MOS:OL asks editors to consider whether "reading the article you're about to link to would help someone understand the article you are linking from". As World War I, covers every aspect of the war, every theatre, and every period, I would not send a reader to the article. Amitchell125 (talk) 12:34, 13 February 2022 (UTC)Reply
defending the city of Grodno – as the city was not in Belarus (as it is today), perhaps it could be clarified that at the time it was a Polish city Done as "then-Polish"
Consider adding this map to the subsection to help clarify the text. Done but I am not sure it is for the best, we may have now some image-infobox text sandwiching, and is that map really particularly helpful? We also mention other cities, why the special treatment for that one? We could add map of the Polish-Soviet war, but again, that seems not super relevant IMHO, readers can visit articles about cities/wars to see more context and maps and such. --Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus| reply here11:46, 12 February 2022 (UTC)Reply
I’m unclear what the significance of the chairman of a dairy is In progress Indeed that sounds out of place. It's from Ewa Cuber-Strutyńska's article where she writes "As a founder of a farmers’ association and chairman of a dairy he established himself, Pilecki was active also in his local community.". Any ideas on how we can rewrite it elegantly here without too close paraphrasing? This also could help address the issue below. --Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus| reply here11:22, 13 February 2022 (UTC)Reply
see comment below. AM
I would move Pilecki was active in the local community, he was the chairman of a dairy and founded a farmer's association. He was also an amateur poet and painter. to a separate paragraph, as it is not related to his military activism during this period. - Right, but a) it would create a short paragraph and b) ECS mixes this info into other stuff, just we do. --Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus| reply here11:22, 13 February 2022 (UTC)Reply
I suspect he did a great deal for others. How about amending Pilecki was active in the local community, he was the chairman of a dairy and founded a farmer's association. to something like 'Pilecki actively supported the local farming community.' I'm not too concerned about the paragraph-splitting, it was a consideration. Amitchell125 (talk) 15:29, 14 February 2022 (UTC)Reply
I would replace ...Pilecki saw that Włodarkiewicz was "flirting with anti-Semitic views" and had... with the more direct '...Pilecki saw that Włodarkiewicz's views had become more anti-semitic, and that he had...'. Amitchell125 (talk) 13:00, 13 February 2022 (UTC) DoneReply
1.4.3 Auschwitz
The hatnote should be omitted, see Template:Main for why it is incorrectly placed here Done
Dupicate link - Auschwitz concentration camp (amend to ‘Auschwitz’ as its nature has already been explained) Done
According to WP:IMAGESIZE "Except with very good reason, do not use px (e.g. |thumb|300px), which forces a fixed image width measured in pixels, disregarding the user's image size preference setting." Apologies if I've misunderstood this statement. Amitchell125 (talk) 14:34, 14 February 2022 (UTC)Reply
, and, along with – the sentence needs to be split here, as it currently reads as if Pilecki's journey to the camp and arrival there are all part of the the second backstory
In autumn 1941 he was promoted to porucznik (first lieutenant) - it's perhaps not clear to readers how a man can be promoted when an inmate at Auschwitz. In progress Hmm, the source doesn't clarify, but I think it's not that confusing. He was promoted outside the camp by his superiors, not sure when he learned about it but presumably that's the date on the documents. I am not sure how to clarify this in the absence of sources discussing this in more detail? --Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus| reply here11:55, 14 February 2022 (UTC)Reply
While at Auschwitz is redundant - Done changed to "As part of his duties," since I felt the paragraph needs some opening
I would add more details (using Cuber-Strutyńska, p295) to explain at the beginning of the subsection how Pilecki’s reports reached Home Army headquarters, (incorporating Further dispatches of Pilecki's were likewise smuggled out by individuals who managed to escape from Auschwitz.) Done
a Home Army report on "The Terror and Lawlessness of the Occupiers - ‘a Home Army report, "The terror and lawlessness of the occupiers”’ (note the lack of capitals) Done - but it's a translation anyway... should we add the title of the Polish original? --Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus| reply here11:55, 14 February 2022 (UTC)Reply
Errr, I would say keep it in correct English (or Polish or both). AM
was also broadcasting details – ‘was using a home-made radio transmitter to broadcast details’ improves the prose Done
The secret radio station – The ‘transmitter’? This text begins an overlong sentence that should be split Done
it was broadcasting – ‘it broadcasted’ Done
These reports were a principal source – it should be made clear whether These reports here were the ones smuggled out of the camp, or the ones that were broadcasted. In progress I think the written ones were more important, also, the radio ones were written down, I doubt the radio in the camp had much range. However, the wording in the sources is not very precise when it comes to distinguishing them. See also Witold's Report, the terminology is inconsistent, as in - the reports were plural, obviously, but they are also lumped together into one "work" called a singular report... --Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus| reply here11:55, 14 February 2022 (UTC)Reply
outside the camp perimeter – but they are not outside the fence already? Perhaps this detail can be omitted In progress Perhaps the perimeter is used here in the sense of nearby area within the range of searchlight, etc.? That's my impression. --Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus| reply here11:55, 14 February 2022 (UTC)Reply
See the second paragraph ("While in various slave labor kommandos and surviving pneumonia at Auschwitz, Pilecki organized an underground Military Organization). Amitchell125 (talk) 15:22, 14 February 2022 (UTC)Reply
Dupicate link - Home Army; ZOW (in coordinating ZOW) Done during an earlier pass.
an initial report – I would omit initial, as it seems to contradict the idea that reports had already come out of Auschwitz Done
focused – 'which focused' Done
I would simplify rejected this proposal, since the camp's resistance was judged to lack sufficient strength to provide noticeable assistance during such an operation to ‘judged such an attack would fail’ Done
for rescued inmates – ‘for the rescued inmates’ Done
Unlink Soviet in Soviet Red Army Done
Kedyw is in italics Done As in, it should be in ialics, I assume.
Roman Jezierski is in italics? (as in the lead) Done Changed to italics. Done
Later – if there is no date available, this should be omitted (MOS:RELTIME) Done
providing what limited support he could to ZOW - ‘providing ZOW with what limited support he could’ sounds better IMO Done
NIE should be introduced using the full term. In progress This is not an acronym, as far as I can tell, this is the name of the organization. It means NO in Polish and unofficially it has been explained as a short from the Polish word for independence ("niepodległość") as well as affirmation of the rejection of communism. --Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus| reply here18:57, 15 February 2022 (UTC)Reply
city center – is the article written in British English (as in autumn, above), or in American English (as here)? In progress I have no preference, but as an ESLer, I do tend to mix them occasionally. Whichever ones requires less rewriting is the one I'd chose :) --Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus| reply here11:47, 17 February 2022 (UTC)Reply
After the fall of the uprising – a date would be useful here Done
He survived until liberation in 1945 at Oflag VII-A, in Murnau, Bavaria - seems in need of copy editing to improve the prose. Something like 'He was sent to Oflag VII-A, a prison-of-war camp for Polish officers located north of Murnau, Bavaria, where he remained until the prisoners were liberated in 1945.' And added a date for the camp liberation, with a ref. Done
Pilecki left Murnau – seems to say he remained in the town once he was released, which I am assuming is incorrect In progress I am not sure I follow. But since the previous section says he remained in Murnay until liberation, I just removed the 'left Murnau' entirely as superficial/redundant. --Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus| reply here12:01, 17 February 2022 (UTC)Reply
Lt. Colonel should be unabbreviated Done and linked the lt col article
he arrived – he had arrived Done
Unlink Italy Done
Link show trial Done
with the mission of gathering intelligence for II Corps duplicates what has already been said in the paragraph Done
He would work – ‘He worked’ Done
written to Cyrankiewicz among others is redundant imo In progress The controversy about Cyrankiewicz, a fellow inmate, turning his back on him, is something that some sources discuss in more detail. So I think this can stay. In fact, I wonder if this shouldn't be expanded into a dedicated sentence at least. --Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus| reply here12:01, 17 February 2022 (UTC)Reply
received death sentence - ‘received death sentences’ Done
2 Legacy
Duplicate link - Powązki Cemetery Done during an earlier pass
The upper image shows very little of the monument and a lot of background, consider replacing it with something like this one Done
Amend the fall of communism and Pilecki's rehabilitation to something like ‘the fall of communism in Poland and Pilecki's subsequent rehabilitation’ Done
After the fall of communism, a cenotaph to him was erected – the cenotaph might have been erected years afterward, is there a citation for this statement? In progress I can find sources that a symbolic grave, aka cenotaph, is there (ex. [1]), but not for when it was erected. It existed at least as far back as 2002 when his wife was buried there [2]. For now, I removed the mention of it as it doesn't seem particularly important. Also, there my be more than one symbolic grave for him, I found references to at least two or three such locations. --Piotr Konieczny aka Prokonsul Piotrus| reply here13:44, 18 February 2022 (UTC)Reply
@Piotrus: Whilst I'm checking the references, I'll be amending them (adding links etc.). As a reviewer, I know it's a good idea for me not to get too involved with editing, but tweaking the references won't alter the text of the article - I'll that side to you. Please revert/ping me if I've made an error in good faith. Amitchell125 (talk) 17:27, 4 February 2022 (UTC)Reply
Looking again at this section, there appear to be a number of different styles of formatting used throughout the article – see MOS:NOTES (“Editors may use any citation method they choose, but it should be consistent within an article.”) Amitchell125 (talk) 12:55, 5 February 2022 (UTC)Reply
Piotrus, now we've started, I'd like to keep going, but I don't want the process to be protracted. I can extend the GAN for another week until 21 February if you're able to continue addressing the issues. Amitchell125 (talk) 08:10, 15 February 2022 (UTC)Reply
