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Talk:Up! Live in Chicago/GA1

< Talk:Up! Live in Chicago
Latest comment: 12 years ago by Petergriffin9901 in topic GA Review

GA Review

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Latest comment: 12 years ago62 comments2 people in discussion
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Reviewing

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Reviewer: CallMeNathan • Talk2Me 07:18, 10 August 2011 (UTC)Reply

Sorry for the short delay. I decided that in light of recent events, I will still complete the review. I'm not going to just abandon it. Posting soon :)--CallMeNathan • Talk2Me 21:48, 13 August 2011 (UTC)Reply

Round One

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Lead

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  • The concert itself differed from those of the Up! Tour (2003–04) -> The concert itself differed from that of the Up! Tour (2003–04)
  • Behind-the-scenes footage was filmed in the same week where Twain visited local landmarks and events -> comma needed
    • Done.
  • it featured additional performances void from the television presentation, -> not included in the
  • Up! Live in Chicago' was
  • Up! Live in Chicago' was also a commercial success -> This sentence is a mixture of PEACOCK and NPOV; we don't need for you to tell us that, just stick with the facts
    • Done.
  • It was also certified platinum in Australia -> refrain from little choppy sentences like this
    • I don't think there's anything wrong with having this particular sentence (just to have a good mixture of lengths with sentences). When all sentences all long, it can be a bit overwhelming for the reader, and, of course, when they are all short, it can be choppy and difficult to read. I don't know. That's just my opinion. -- ipodnano05 * leave@message 21:20, 24 August 2011 (UTC)Reply
  • The video was also source to the music videos for Twain's singles -> Doesn't read very well
    • Done.

Background

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  • Three and a half years apart from her previous concert, -> Over three years after filming her previous concert,
  • three outdoor concerts between Europe and North America -> I know you have "in" right after, but between isn't the best word here
    • Done.
  • three outdoor concerts -> I don't understand, isn't it a complete tour?
  • Twain scheduled the trek primarily because of her prolonged absence from live performances and to ensure playing a concert in the United States prior to her Up! Tour, which was to commence in September 2003 in Europe (although it ultimately did so in North America) -> very run-on and difficult to understand. Try to simplify
  • She said, "With the tour starting in September, I didn't want to miss the summer without staging a concert in the U.S. After living with these 19 songs [from Up!] and going through the recording process, it's time to get on stage and perform them -> I still don't quite understand. She had a tour? Three shows?
    • You must clarify for the issues above that the reason she wanted to perform in the US is because she wanted to schedule a concert during the summer. You didn't write that. Now it kind of makes sense.--CallMeNathan • Talk2Me 21:49, 25 August 2011 (UTC)Reply
  • maintain it in an energized spirit -> re-word
    • Done.
  • Okay, so as of the first paragraph, I am unclear as whether she was on a regular tour, or the three shows, or anything. A lot needs to be clarified
  • crossover history that could expand on the number of viewers -> expand? re-word
    • Done.
  • The concert was attended by over 50,000 people -> Was it free? This sentence begins the same as the previous one. Also, refrain from these choppt sentences

Concert synopsis

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Release

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Reception

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Sources

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  • I'm not sure if you are aware, but printed newspapers require the "Cite news" template, which automatically has the publisher appear in parenthesis. This is needed for the first four references etc. Also, some of the works are a bit off. Instead of ARIA.com.au, it would be better to just list it as ARIA Charts. Also, ABPD.org.br isn't needed, as the publisher is ABPD spelled out. There are several of these instances.

Comments

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  • I'm placing the article on hold for seven days. Feel free to ask for an extension if needed and appropriate. If you have any queries, questions or any such thing, don't hesitate to ask them here, I have watch-listed this page. Good luck!--CallMeNathan • Talk2Me 11:53, 24 August 2011 (UTC)Reply

Round Two

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I am going to re-read the article and post still-lingering issues here, so there is less confusion.--CallMeNathan • Talk2Me 20:14, 29 August 2011 (UTC)Reply

Lead

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  • You have to give more of an introduction to the tour. You just go off "It differed from the", which leaves me puzzled
  • Behind-the-scenes footage was filmed in the same week, when Twain visited local landmarks and events -> was filmed during the same week, and features footage of Twain visiting
    • Done.
  • over 8.87 million viewers. Thus, it became the second-most-viewed -> over 8.87 million viewers, becoming the second-most-viewed
    • Done.
  • high ratings on television -> high television ratings
  • on the the television
    • Done.
  • I have an issue with the lead sentence that discusses its reception. You should give a full sentence on both its positive and negative aspects (interaction, however some questioned her singing etc.)
    • Done.
  • for shipment of 100,000 copies -> s
    • Done.
  • Excerpts from Up! Close and Personal were used as the music videos -> Mashed up clips, or the actual performance of the song?

Background

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  • concert, Twain performed a series of three outdoor concerts -> try not repeating obvious wording within such close proximity
    • Done.
  • and to ensure playing a concert in the United States prior to her Up! Tour -> This doesn't make sense. Why? The Up Tour did visit the US
  • At the time, it was to commence in September 2003 in Europe, although it ultimately did so in North America -> don't quite follow
  • stating she preferred -> that
  • with a setlist of twenty-two songs -> composed of
    • Done.
  • The singer, the singer -> try mixing it up
    • Done.
  • music special, and reached out to Twain about filming the concert, which she accepted -> re-write
    • Done.
  • NBC executives sought Twain due to her being a well-established artist with a lengthy career and crossover history that could draw in more viewers -> Due to her being? Re-write
    • Done.
  • a program specialized to feed children in America -> I didn't know programs specialize in anything
  • You don't mention the concert being filmed and produced by Beth McCarthy-Miller anywhere in the prose
    • Done.

Concert synopsis

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  • several hits -> POV
  • The songs from Up! were not performed in a specific format from the three studio versions of the album -> ?
  • Twain desired to approach the live productions -> desired to approach a song?
  • girlfriend -> any other word?
  • Idk, which one: "love interest", "romantic partner"?
  • end of the runway -> runway-styled stage
  • with the performance -> a
    • Done.
  • performed "No One Needs to Know" playing an -> while
    • Done.
  • Concluding with a performance -> concluding what?
  • the third and final segment of the concert, the encore -> the encore is not a segment. its an unannounced and unofficial part of the show. ust say she returned for the encore

Release

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Critical reception

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  • You exaggerate the critical quotes from reviewers: "was awed by the singer's stage presence" -> all he said was she seemed "comfortable" on stage
  • make Twain's naysayers alter their perception of her, making them realize -> its a dragging idea. Trim it down
    • Done.
  • noted the band's differences from that of a usual country band and wanted a more country-influenced sound -> so vague
  • Twain's incorporation of the audience -> Um, you don't incorporate an audience. They are there....
  • naming it her "inimitable style" -> doesn't make sense with the above quote
  • then-new son, Eja -> again, has to be changed
  • He complimented the band's strong, yet rote efforts -> what?
  • This section need significant trimming and grammar fixes

Commercial performance

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