Talk:Turnin Me On/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: --CallMeNathan • Talk2Me 04:23, 22 November 2010 (UTC)

Lead

• American recording artist and songwriter -> American Singer-songwriter, hows this?
• Hilson, Zachary Anson Wallace -> and
• Following the minimal chart success of Hilson's worldwide lead single "Energy" in the United States, while international markets received "Return the Favor", the song was released as the third single in the US from her debut album In a Perfect World.... -> awkward
• the previous stated songs -> previously, mentioned
• flavored sound for the song due to wanting to keep to her roots -> ce
• Although noting Hilson's less than stellar vocals on the track, critics praised Hilson's -> repetitive, try her
• and Hilson being flaunted by men, which is intercut with mirror scenes with younger kids -> run-on, try making its won sentence
• reaching fifteen -> number

Background

• The an unmastered version -> remove "an"

Composition

• and Hilson's vocals span from G3 to C5 -> doesn't connect to the first part of the sentence. Either fix wording or make own sentence
• Barry Walters of Spin said, "the sassiness Hilson wears so well on her Lil Wayne–boosted hit, 'Turnin' Me On -> awkward. I read the actual review and it reads well, try and changing the sentence intro a bit
• Sal Cinquemani of Slant Magazine commended the song, calling it "tight." -> source?
• Jon Caramanica of The New York Times said called -> pick one
• Mikael Wood of The Los Angeles Times called the song "impeccably arranged." -> source?
• Additionally it was nominated for "Song of the Year" at the 2009 Soul Train Music Awards -> source?

Chart performance

• and a twenty-five -> a?
• Presumably Interscope has yet to apply for certification of any of Hilson's singles -> how is this verified by the source?

Music video

• before the single was released for airplay or download -> can you tell us how long before?
• The video begins is set -> re-write
• Hilson is performs choreography -> re-write
• continues to be flaunted and performs additional choreography -> mixing tenses

You can't really say continues to be "flaunts" so with "continue" and "performs" is ok I guess? Candyo32 - Merry CHRISTmas :) 15:39, 11 December 2010 (UTC)

• black backdrop and on a couch -> reads run-on, consider removing or fitting better
• The near the end -> re-write
• shown performing Hilson and her dancers' moves, as the latter also continue to be flaunted by men -> wouldn't the latter be her dancers?
• The video Hilson being turned off by men at a club -> re-write
• said, "visual is pretty entertaining." -> visually, "its pretty entertaining"

Actually, by "visual" I assume the writer was referring to the music video, not calling the it visually entertaining. I see I forgot "the" so it should say "the visual is pretty entertaining..."Candyo32 - Merry CHRISTmas :) 15:39, 11 December 2010 (UTC)

Diss controversy

• Long quotes don't bother me :p
• Rumors began to fly once again -> they don't fly, circulate is better :p

• • Thats all Candy, let me know when your done. Nice work! :)--CallMeNathan • Talk2Me 04:46, 8 December 2010 (UTC)