Talk:The Wave (Miike Snow song)/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Esprit15d (talk · contribs) 14:12, 10 November 2014 (UTC)

Review by Esprit15d

At a quick glimpse, this seems like a strong article, so I will be reviewing it and giving you feedback within 24 hours.--Esprit15d • talk • contribs 14:12, 10 November 2014 (UTC)

Firstly, I want to commend you and any other editors on the find job thus far on the article. It is strong in all the major areas, and shows that a lot of conscientious work has already gone into the article. Here are my comments:

• Great lead!
• This might be a stylistic choice, but I would put a colon behind "members" (instead of a comma) in the first paragraph of the "Background" section.
• There needs to be a citation after the quote, "plan the process more".
• That same sentence has a version of the word "include" twice. I would change the second instance to "such as".
• The "Background" section of these articles are sometimes called "Background and release". I noticed that that the release information is in the "Commercial performance" section. I guess this is not terrible, but I would change it mostly because chronologically, it's a little jarring to read about all the feedback on a song, then suddenly go back to finding out its initial release information. Also, the "Commercial performance" section is only one paragraph (which is less than ideal). I would take all the release information (the first few sentences ending with "... through Universal Republic and Downtown Records.[20]") and put that at the bottom of the current "Background" section, then rename that section "Background and release". Then I would tag the rest of that section to the end of the current "Critical reception" and rename that section "Reception," since such sections usually include critical and commercial reception, as well as any awards or recognition the song might have received. In the "Background and release" section, I might try to include some information on any promotion that occurred and first live performances, if you can find such information from reliable sources.
• Shorten Andy Baber's comments in the "Critical reception" by taking out the comments on "Enter the Joker's Lair". You already reference the song song in the second sentence of his review, which is plenty. You can rephrase it for clarity if you think it's necessary. ETA: The citation for this contains a dead link. See if you can find the new link, an archive link, or an alternate source for these quotes.
• In Kevin Liedel's review, what is "it"? The song or the aforementioned military beat? Please specify, since that clause has no antecedent.
• Shorten Josh Modell's review per WP:WEIGHT. I would take out the stuff about Coldplay.
• Use a colon after "videos were conceptualized" (and remove the comma)
• Take this out: "that the band felt that Nilsson's images matched their sound well. He said," It's redundant since the quote repeats it again immediately after.
• While some of the music video summary might be super obvious, some it gets close to the line of original research. I would find a reference for the following statement, "By chanting at the policemen, the specimens appear to mind control them into dance," because it reads like an interpretation of what is seen.
• The references all look really great.

Again, great job so far, and I'm looking forward to seeing the improvements!--Esprit15d • talk • contribs 14:52, 10 November 2014 (UTC)

I got through everything you listed on that list. DepressedPer (talk) 15:30, 10 November 2014 (UTC)

It all looks really great. You think you could find anything on label promotion or notable live performances (like at Bonnaroo or a release party?)--Esprit15d • talk • contribs 16:12, 10 November 2014 (UTC)

Found what you we're looking for. DepressedPer (talk) 00:52, 11 November 2014 (UTC)

Great job! I'm going to promote the article.--Esprit15d • talk • contribs 02:19, 12 November 2014 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.