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Talk:The Apartment (Seinfeld)/GA1

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Latest comment: 14 years ago by Mm40 in topic GA Review

GA Review

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Latest comment: 14 years ago25 comments2 people in discussion

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Reviewer: Hi I'm Mm40 (talk · contribs) and I'll be reviewing the article. I tend to be something of a pedant, so please forgive me. If you have any questions/concerns, put them here and I'll respond ASAP. Cheers, Mm40 (talk) 17:40, 29 November 2009 (UTC)Reply

Lead
  • Is the production number in the infobox correct?
  • "after he realizes they might get uncomfortable living so closely together" might be better worded as "after realizing it might be uncomfortable living so close together" or something similar
  • "to a party, to see what kind of effect this" remove the comma and "kind of" is redundant: "to a party to see what effect this"
  • I suggest changing "if Elaine would move closer" to "if Elaine moved closer"
  • Fix the grammar after the first comma in the second-to-last sentence.
Plot
  • First sentence: It currently sounds like Elaine became depressed after Jerry overheard the managers; make this clearer
  • "the two managers" I think "two" is redundant: "the managers"
  • "Though at first excited as well" has two issues: "as well" doesn't make sense here and I think "at first" sounds better after excited: "Though excited at first"
  • "might easily get annoying" take out "easily": "might get annoying"
  • Clarify, does Elaine have to pay an additional $5,000 or just $5,000 in total?
  • "makes very loud" should be "plays loud"
  • "regrets he did not let Elaine rent the apartment" sounds a bit clunky; I suggest "regrets not letting Elaine rent the apartment"
Production
  • "he was surprised" is improper grammar: "which surprised him" or something similar
  • "how women would react to it" removes redundancy
  • "Filming of the episode took place at the CBS Studio Center in Studio City, Los Angeles, California, where, starting with the season premiere "The Ex-Girlfriend", all filming of the show took place." Do you mean all the season's filming, all filming of all episodes, or all the filming of this episode?
  • The last sentence of the second paragraph doesn't make much sense to me.
  • "is 5A, it had been changed" the comma should be a semi-colon
  • "but it would remain" removes redundancy
Reception
  • "on April 4, 1991, it was part of a" remove the comma and change "it was" to "as": "on April 4, 1991 as part of a"
  • "week this episode" I think "the" works better than "this"
  • It may not be clear to everyone what a "third season order" is
  • Kitchener-Waterloo Record redirects to Waterloo Region Record, so I'm going to create a redirect for The Kitchener-Waterloo Record. Please link this in this section and in reference 9.
References and External links
  • Some references have "Retrieved" before their access dates while others don't
  • Link the publishers for references 3 and 4
  • For references 2 and 7, flip the authors names around; it should be alphabetical by last name
  • The last link under External links is dead
Further improvement

Not needed for GA, but here are some ideas for further improvement

  • Add a free image from or about the episode (although this suggestion has been made on all your Seinfeld articles)
  • Add a Cultural references section like in some other Seinfeld articles

I'm putting this review on hold for seven days, the time you have to resolve what's listed here. Cheers, Mm40 (talk) 17:40, 29 November 2009 (UTC)Reply

  • OK, I'm passing the article (note that I've replied to the first issue under References, but that should be easily fixed). So other editors don't have to wait as long as you did for a review, please consider reviewing an article on the GAN backlog. Cheers, Mm40 (talk) 20:47, 2 December 2009 (UTC)Reply
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