Talk:Terra Prime/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Viriditas (talk · contribs) 01:09, 1 August 2013 (UTC)

Review in progress...

Grammar

Not directly part of GA review but... the sentence that begins "While show runner Manny Coto had..." needs a thorough copyedit, as it seems ungrammatical with the two "whiles". Perhaps:

The episode was devised and written by several writers who had previously worked on Enterprise; show runner Manny Coto, who had written the previous episode "Demons", André Bormanis, who wrote "The Aenar", and Judith and Garfield Reeves-Stevens, who wrote "Divergence".

Even if you don't take the suggestion, André Bormanis also shouldn't have quotes around it. Chris857 (talk) 01:32, 1 August 2013 (UTC)

I've removed the line as they've all written several episodes before and there wasn't much point highlight a single one each. Miyagawa (talk) 18:48, 6 August 2013 (UTC)

Lead

• fourth season of the American science fiction television series
  • Link fourth season to Star Trek: Enterprise (season 4)#Season 4 (2004–05) and science fiction television to Science fiction on television. Viriditas (talk) 11:12, 5 August 2013 (UTC)
    • I hadn't noticed these had been placed here by the previous reviewer until just now, so I've just made the required edits. The changes in links have been done. Miyagawa (talk) 19:25, 21 August 2013 (UTC)
• the leader of the human xenophobic group Terra Prime, threatens to use a meteorite-blasting array on Mars to destroy Starfleet Command
  • The array was used to redirect comets on Mars for terraforming, not for meteorite-blasting. Viriditas (talk) 11:16, 5 August 2013 (UTC)
    • Rectified. Miyagawa (talk) 19:25, 21 August 2013 (UTC)
• Enterprise Captain Jonathan Archer (Scott Bakula), Lt. Malcolm Reed (Dominic Keating), Dr. Phlox (John Billingsley) and Ensign Travis Mayweather (Anthony Montgomery) take a shuttlepod to the array to stop him.
  • Personally, I find it very bad form (in terms of readability) to have nine links in a row like that in one sentence. Ignoring that for the moment, by the time the reader gets through reading that sea of blue, "to stop him" no longer has any reference. Obviously you mean Paxton, but it would also help to mention "to stop Paxton and attempt to shutdown the array". Viriditas (talk) 11:19, 5 August 2013 (UTC)
    • I've dropped the mass of links and swapped it out with "and an away team" and made the edit as suggested. Miyagawa (talk) 19:25, 21 August 2013 (UTC)
• The guest actors seen in "Demons" were joined by Derek Magyar and Eric Pierpoint, who appeared earlier in the season in "Affliction", while Joel Swetow had previously appeared in episodes of Deep Space Nine and The Next Generation.
  • I'm not sure what "The guest actors seen" is supposed to mean here. Viriditas (talk) 11:21, 5 August 2013 (UTC)
    • Modified it to "who appeared in". Miyagawa (talk) 19:25, 21 August 2013 (UTC)
• The Carl Sagan Memorial Station and the Mars Exploration Rover Sojourner were included in a shot added in post production.
  • Considering that this shot appeared for about two seconds, it would help to preface this with the reason for the shot. Namely, the script called for referencing the American space program. Viriditas (talk) 11:23, 5 August 2013 (UTC)
    • Added that. Miyagawa (talk) 19:25, 21 August 2013 (UTC)
• "Terra Prime" received a Nielsen rating of 2.0/4% and critics praised the storyline, while it was ranked as the best episode of the series by Empire magazine.
  • That's three different sentences crammed into one. Why not break it up a bit and expand it? Viriditas (talk) 11:25, 5 August 2013 (UTC)
    • Done. Miyagawa (talk) 19:25, 21 August 2013 (UTC)

Criteria

GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria

1. Is it reasonably well written?

   A. Prose quality, no copyvios, spelling and grammar:

   Grammar concerns

   B. MoS compliance for lead, layout, words to watch, fiction, and lists:

   Add links to lead

   Infobox contains duplicate links (Judith Reeves-Stevens, Garfield Reeves-Stevens)

2. Is it factually accurate and verifiable?

   A. Has an appropriate reference section:

   B. Citation to reliable sources where necessary:

   C. No original research:

3. Is it broad in its coverage?

   A. Major aspects:

   B. Focused:

4. Is it neutral?

   Fair representation without bias:

5. Is it stable?

   No edit wars, etc:

6. Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?

   A. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid fair use rationales are provided for non-free content:

   B. Images are provided if possible and are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:

   Mars image OK

7. Overall:

   Pass or Fail:

I've requested a second opinion as the main reviewer has been blocked for three months. Miyagawa (talk) 18:48, 6 August 2013 (UTC)

New review

I see that user:Viriditas has been blocked, so I'm going to try and complete this review for them. I have a few comments. Please try and address them so we can wrap the review up. None of the problems are too major, so I'll leave the article on hold while they're addressed.

• I have a few problems here, a lot of the language is not clear.
• "In "Demons", the Enterprise returns to Earth to attend a conference forming a "Coalition of Planets", when a DNA sample from a Vulcan-Human hybrid is handed to Sub-commander T'Pol (Jolene Blalock)." – a conference forming a "Coalition of Planets", and there is absolutely no context for why a DNA sample is handed to T'Pol, and why that is important. What would prompt them to consider tracking the DNA to anyone? It's all very confusing.
  • See next comment. Miyagawa (talk) 08:55, 24 August 2013 (UTC)
• "They track the sample to a terrorist group called Terra Prime, and an away team consisting of T'Pol and Commander "Trip" Tucker (Connor Trinneer), who discover that the hybrid was created from their DNA, infiltrate the group's base on the Moon but are captured." -- a lot of information is presented here, which makes it confusing. Consider splitting into two sentences. Are they captured while infiltrating the base?
  • I've rejigged that whole paragraph. Hopefully it should clarify it to a certain extent, but you'll want to take another look. Miyagawa (talk) 08:55, 24 August 2013 (UTC)
• "Continuing in "Terra Prime", T'Pol and Tucker remain captives of Paxton, who demands that all aliens leave the solar system within 24 hours or else he will destroy Starfleet Headquarters." -- this is very confusing. Do you mean continuing in the episode Terra Prime? Maybe you should clarify this (the same for Demons)? Do you you mean to say "Episode Terra Prime then starts with T'Pol and Tucker still captives of Paxton ..."?
  • I've changed it to specify "In the episode "..." Miyagawa (talk) 08:55, 24 August 2013 (UTC)
• "Vulcan-Human hybrid baby" -- the fact there was a baby was never mentioned previously, is this an oversight?
  • Not massively as the crew don't know it is a baby until later in the episode. Miyagawa (talk) 08:55, 24 August 2013 (UTC)
    • This still seems to pop out of nowhere; I'm not sure all readers will be aware the baby is where the DNA discussed in the first paragraph came from, but I'll let it be. -- Shudde ^talk 09:02, 25 August 2013 (UTC)
• "Archer confronts Paxton in the control room, but Paxton breaches the hull and manages to lock in the firing sequence as the air escapes." -- "breaches the hull" has not context and I'm not sure why it's included
  • It's the hull of the base. Miyagawa (talk) 08:55, 24 August 2013 (UTC)
• I don't think the plot section is particularly clear. It was a bit hard to follow. Maybe consider giving it another read through; it probably reads quite differently to those who have seen the episode, and those (such as me) who have not, but it needs to be accessible to everyone.
• "on the series" -- maybe say what series
  • Done. Miyagawa (talk) 08:33, 24 August 2013 (UTC)
• "for the scenes were" - where
  • Done. Miyagawa (talk) 08:33, 24 August 2013 (UTC)
• There seems to be a little over-linking, for example the episode Demons is linked in some instances (later in the article), but not first up. This isn't in the criteria, but would improve the article if fixed.
  • That is extremely odd! I use the duplicate link detector and even though I can see the duplicate links to "Demons", they're aren't highlighted. I've modified the links anyway - so it should be the first appearance in the lead and the first appearance (at the top of plot) in the article body. Miyagawa (talk) 08:33, 24 August 2013 (UTC)
• "Producer Manny Coto stated that he considered "Demons" and "Terra Prime" to be the actual finale of the Enterprise storyline, rather than the final aired episode "These Are the Voyages...."" -- could more be said on this? Why was it not the finale?
  • Because after an entire season of Coto being showrunner, Brannon Braga and Rick Berman decided they wanted to do the final episode. That episode has been described by many sources as being the single worst episode of the franchise as they shoehorn an Enterprise adventure into an old Next Generation episode, jump forward ten years (but nothing has changed, except that T'Pol and Trip are no longer involved - which considering the build up over the last two years is a real let down) and they kill Trip in possibly the lamest, nonsensical and out of character ways I've ever seen. It was bad. Really bad. So by default, Coto and a lot of fans refer to "Terra Prime" as being the final episode because it was the one before that. Miyagawa (talk) 08:55, 24 August 2013 (UTC)
    • I re-read the source and added a little. It did need some clarification as he wasn't speaking badly of the finale there (although he does now). Miyagawa (talk) 09:16, 24 August 2013 (UTC)
      • I still think this needs clarification. Maybe make this more explicitly clear in the article (that the series was cancelled, which meant that rather than being the season finale, this was the second to last episode). -- Shudde ^talk 09:02, 25 August 2013 (UTC)
      • I've clarifed that the series was cancelled (I used the production source from "In a Mirror, Darkly"). Miyagawa (talk) 23:05, 30 August 2013 (UTC)
• After reading some of the reception section, it's implied that this was one of the final episodes of this show? So the show was cancelled not long after?
  • It was actually cancelled a couple of episodes prior, while they were filming "In a Mirror, Darkly" (the two part episode prior to "Demons"). This episode was the episode before the final one. Miyagawa (talk) 08:55, 24 August 2013 (UTC)
    • See above. -- Shudde ^talk 09:02, 25 August 2013 (UTC)
• Release of Blu-Ray is out of date
  • They haven't gotten around to releasing the fourth season on Blu-Ray. They've just released the second season, so I imagine the fourth won't be out till early next year as they seem to be about ever four months or so. Miyagawa (talk) 08:33, 24 August 2013 (UTC)
• Story development is mentioned in the lead, but not the body of the article
  • See next bullet. Miyagawa (talk) 09:16, 24 August 2013 (UTC)
• Other than a lack of information on story development, the article meets the broadness criteria.
  • I can only apologise for that - I'm quite astonished that I managed to miss that out! I've managed to find a source and have added a paragraph to the top of production. Miyagawa (talk) 09:16, 24 August 2013 (UTC)
• Maybe link Sojourner in the image caption.
  • Done. Miyagawa (talk) 09:00, 24 August 2013 (UTC)

I've found not problems with WP:MOSFICT, or original research. No issues with images. I'll leave the article on hold for a week. Most of my comments are pretty minor and shouldn't be difficult to address. If you have any questions I welcome them, but if you want an urgent reply it may be best to post a message on my talk page. – Shudde ^talk 04:56, 24 August 2013 (UTC)

A couple more:

• "but Paxton breaches the hull of the base with a phaser but manages to lock in the firing sequence as the air escapes" -- "but ... but" ? Consider rewording.
  • Switched the second one to an "and". Miyagawa (talk) 23:05, 30 August 2013 (UTC)
• " Also, the character of Shran, played by Jeffrey Combs, had to be written out as the character was to appear in the following episode instead." -- this is a little unclear
  • Changed to "Shran, played by Jeffrey Combs, was written out of the episode as the decision was made to have the character appear in the series finale instead." Miyagawa (talk) 23:05, 30 August 2013 (UTC)

I've struck most of the comments above, I think I had one more comment. Only a few things left. All pretty minor. -- Shudde ^talk 09:02, 25 August 2013 (UTC)

• Awesome -- all done. Congratulations! – Shudde ^talk 23:59, 30 August 2013 (UTC)