Talk:Terra Branford/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: TarkusAB (talk · contribs) 18:02, 31 July 2017 (UTC)

Review coming shortly. TarkusAB^talk 18:02, 31 July 2017 (UTC)

Lead

• Pretty short given the length of the article. Could probably use a rewrite.
  • Nothing about her development mentioned
  • Could borrow some more bits from reception since it is such a large part of the article
• The Japanese characters should be footnoted for readability.

Appearances

• Generally speaking my issue with this section is that it's written as if the reader is familiar with the subject. Keep in mind those who are unfamiliar with the lore. I've highlighted some instances below that need some attention.
• recently unearthed frozen Esper - Can we put a brief explanation here as to what an Esper is (especially since she is half-esper herself)?
• annihilated together with Terra's armor. - "with HER armor"

 Done --TheSandDoctor (talk) 03:32, 14 August 2017 (UTC)

• She wakes in Arvis' home - who is Arvis? If not important, just say she woke up later and leave him out. I've played this game before but it has been a few years, and I don't remember this guy.
• a horde of moogles - what's a moogle? a horde of them? they sound dangerous! :)
• During the World of Ruin - "World of Ruin" makes no sense to someone who hasn't played the game...maybe try "Now in a post-apocalyptic world,"

 Done --TheSandDoctor (talk) 03:32, 14 August 2017 (UTC)

• Terra is the heroine... - Rewrote: Terra is the heroine representing Final Fantasy VI in Dissidia: Final Fantasy, a crossover fighting game featuring characters from the series. She was redesigned by Tetsuya Nomura and sports both blonde hair in her default appearance and green hair in her alternate appearance.

 Done --TheSandDoctor (talk) 03:35, 14 August 2017 (UTC)

• Some claims in Other Appearances section have no sources.
• appearing as a slaved enemy - an enslaved enemy

 Done --TheSandDoctor (talk) 03:32, 14 August 2017 (UTC)

Development

• Terra was written as a "very passive" character in the first half of the game, in order to show growth as the story progresses. - don't need quotes around very passive, just say passive and growth in what way? growth to a more decisive character?
• it would be "going too far" - How about "it would be excessive"

 Done --TheSandDoctor (talk) 03:32, 14 August 2017 (UTC)

• American playtesters "hated the name Tina, almost to a person!" - Maybe I'm just not getting it, but the "almost to a person" phrase makes no sense. I'm having trouble understanding what that means. Does it make sense to you?
• The third paragraph here has three quotes that could be merged into prose. The one I mentioned above this bullet plus "disappointment or confusion" and "were meant for a broader audience than the one which buys and plays Japanese imports"
• Same issue in the fourth paragraph, the quotes here can be reworded to flow with prose better and not be quotes.
• Gameplaywise - I don't think this is a word. Maybe it needs a hyphen.

 Done --TheSandDoctor (talk) 03:32, 14 August 2017 (UTC)

Reception

• Even as Tina (Terra outside Japan) does not form a couple with any character in Final Fantasy VI, "Tina and Edgar" and "Tina and Locke" were voted as the fourth and seventh "best couple" in the Final Fantasy series, respectively, in a popularity poll published by V Jump in 1995 - Just call her Terra to keep it simple. Rewrote: Even as Terra does not form a couple with any character in Final Fantasy VI, "Terra and Edgar" and "Terra and Locke" were voted...

 Done --TheSandDoctor (talk) 03:32, 14 August 2017 (UTC)

• poll by Square Enix, Tina was voted - Use "Terra" here

 Done --TheSandDoctor (talk) 03:32, 14 August 2017 (UTC)

• Ryan Clements called her one of the most recognizable and well-loved characters to join the army of Cosmos. - ..well-loved characters in the series. (or game depending on which he is talking about)
• In 2013, Gus Turner... - I feel this whole sentence could be rewritten to eliminate the direct quoting.

The largest issue I noticed in my reading is many parts are written as if the reader is familiar with the lore. Also, there are many quotes that could be worked into prose and flow better with a little bit of tinkering. Unless the specific words and phrasing used by the source are key to understanding the meaning, merge into prose. Once the issues above are addressed, I'll take another look. TarkusAB^talk 19:01, 31 July 2017 (UTC)

@Judgesurreal777: Hey there, it's been over a week since I reviewed the article and I haven't heard from you. Do you plan on addressing these issues anytime soon? If I don't hear back in the next week (by the 15th), I will fail the nomination. TarkusAB^talk 11:57, 8 August 2017 (UTC)

@TarkusAB: Sorry I just got busy with life stuff, I will address the items you have noted soon, in the next few days but starting tonight. Judgesurreal777 (talk) 20:10, 12 August 2017 (UTC)

@Judgesurreal777: ??? TarkusAB^talk 21:17, 17 August 2017 (UTC)

Sorry but I'll have to fail this one. I've waited three weeks and only received a brief response. I don't know when you'll return and I am embarking on a Wikibreak. There's enough comments here that if you go through and make the changes and renominate, I think it will pass with little issue. TheSandDoctor already provided some assistance fixing it up. TarkusAB^talk 20:56, 19 August 2017 (UTC)

So sorry for not getting to it, I've been really busy lately and I appreciate your review. It is excellent, and I will get to it at some point. Enjoy your wikibreak! Judgesurreal777 (talk) 22:20, 24 August 2017 (UTC)