Talk:Stewie Goes for a Drive/GA1
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Reviewer: J Milburn (talk · contribs) 19:16, 13 November 2011 (UTC)
I watched the episode a couple of days ago, so it's fairly fresh in my mind. J Milburn (talk) 19:16, 13 November 2011 (UTC)
- "The episode follows Peter who befriends actor Ryan Reynolds, after he moves into the house across the street from him." Rephrase?
- "Ryan begins to come on to Peter" Overly colloquial
- "and eventually end their friendship" they eventually end? he eventually ends?
- "baby Stewie takes the family dog, Brian's, car out for a joy ride" Rephrase?
- "It received mostly mixed reviews from critics for its storyline, and many cultural references." It received many cultural references?
- "Joe Lomonaco" worth a redlink?
- The plot section is over 600 words long. For a twenty-minute FG episode, that's very much excessive. Compare to Stark Raving Dad and Lisa the Vegetarian, the two Simpsons episodes, which have under 450 words, and Road to the Multiverse, which has under 400. I managed under 700 in Dustbin Baby (film), just a few dozen more than are used here, and that's a full-length film over four times the length of this episode! (All linked articles are FAs).
- "First announced at the 2011 San Diego Comic-Con International by series showrunners Steve Callaghan and Mark Hentemann,[3] the episode was written by series regular Gary Janetti,[4] who joined the series in its first season, writing "Brian: Portrait of a Dog",[5] as well as the series's landmark 150th episode "Brian & Stewie".[6]" Long and overly complex sentence.
- Repetition of "series regular" in "Production and development"
- Ron Jones is a dablink
- "An announcement of Reynolds' appearance in the episode was also made at the Television Critics Association's summer press tour, along with several other guest voice actors for the season.[8]" Why "also"?
- "In addition to the regular cast, actor and musician Adam Alexi-Malle, actor Ralph Garman, voice actor Joe Lomonaco, voice actress Rachael MacFarlane, sister of series creator and executive producer Seth MacFarlane, actor Ryan Reynolds,[2][9] and voice actress Tara Strong guest starred in the episode." Very difficult to follow.
- "Reynolds also reveals that he will be portraying Nazi leader Adolf Hitler in a film entitled Hotler, which is being filmed in Quahog rather than nearby Newport, Rhode Island.[11]" I'm not sure that really constitutes a "cultural reference"...
- "Stewie demands to appear" Hardly demands, if I remember correctly?
- "Lois also mentions Snooki from Jersey Shores." Unreferenced, badly formatted.
- So many of the "cultural references" seem incredibly trivial; passing jokes irrelevant to the plot and of minimal value.
- "show, American Dad." A ! is needed?
- I'm not sure on what authority you make the claim "Reviews of the episode were mostly mixed, calling the storyline a "much less extreme reversal" of the season two episode "The Story on Page One", in which Peter attempts to seduce actor Luke Perry." when you cite all of two reviews.
- Formatting and links on the refs need checking. Beware undue italics (and don't just blame that awful template) and the publishers could do with linking.
- Is "Delaware Online" reliable?
- The website is operated by the Gannett Company, the largest news company in the United States. I would say that it is. Gage (talk) 02:33, 14 November 2011 (UTC)
- I wasn't impressed with the short list of sources, but a search hasn't thrown up much else of worth- this may be reliable, but I recommend doing some research first.
- I'm not really convinced that the lead image is needed. It doesn't tell us much; there's no automatic entitlement for a television episode to have a screenshot.
Sorry if this comes across as harsh, but I'd say that this article is a fair way from GA-ready yet. J Milburn (talk) 19:53, 13 November 2011 (UTC)
Second read-through edit
- Joe Lomonaco just redirects to the FG article. There's no mention of him there; hardly seems appropriate.
- Who or what was played by Adam Alexi-Malle?
- The plot could do with a little tweaking. Perhaps the fact Peter is invited to the housewarming isn't all that important (we can just cut to the housewarming), but there seems to be a little more to it than Ryan just being not gay.
- "take the car for a spin later that day" Collquial
- I'm still not keen on some of the more trivial mentions in the "cultural references" section (and I'm not completely convinced it's necessary at all) but I can see that third party sources have mentioned a lot of them.
- "Reviews of the episode were mostly mixed" Again, based on two reviews, I don't think you can make this claim.
- I'm really not keen on citing "Lambert, David (2011-06-24). "Family Guy - Does a Fan Site Message Board Have a List of Volume 9 DVD Contents and Extras?". TV Shows on DVD. Retrieved 2011-11-07." Do we really not have a better source for this?
- As I mentioned, I'm not certain on the reliability of the source- on what grounds do you consider "Neuenschwander, Andy (2011-11-07). "'Family Guy' Season 10, Episode 4 Recap - 'Stewie Goes for a Drive'". Yidio. Retrieved 2011-11-14." reliable?
- Why have you italicised Reuters? Also, linking publishers each time they appear would probably be best.
- Done. And according to WP:Overlinking, they should only be linked on the first occurence. Gage (talk) 22:35, 14 November 2011 (UTC)
It's better now than it was. The small number of sources seems unavoidable, which is a shame. These episodes just don't seem to be that notable. J Milburn (talk) 21:32, 14 November 2011 (UTC)
Yeah, it's just about there. I made a final fix, as, in you wording, it was unclear who "he" referred to. I suppose the lack of sources is unavoidable- this episode is only just notable, in and of itself. I think this article's about as strong as it can be- good work. J Milburn (talk) 11:54, 18 November 2011 (UTC)