Talk:Sexy! No No No.../GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: J Milburn (talk · contribs) 22:16, 9 January 2013 (UTC)

A few thoughts-

• Seeing as GA are a British band, British spelling would probably be better- "favourable".

   Fixed - Saulo ^{Talk to Me} 00:43, 10 January 2013 (UTC)

• "The production and songwriting began with each group member meeting with producer Brian Higgins and discussing what had happened with them since the release of the Chemistry (2005)." Meeting individually? Also, what was there to discuss? What had happened? I'm not really clear about this sentence

  I got a bit confused while paraphrasing this also. The quote from the website says "It starts with a chat with songwriter Brian Higgins. One by one, we go to his house-cum-studio and tell him all about what’s been happening since our last album. We talk relationships, feelings, you name it." - Saulo ^{Talk to Me} 00:43, 10 January 2013 (UTC)

• "Bandmate Nicola Roberts explained that Higgins take inspiration from those discussions" This makes no sense. I can't fix it, because I'm not sure what you're trying to say.

  He takes inspiration to write new tracks. Shoud I completely re-write this or just added "to write new tracks" after discussions? - Saulo ^{Talk to Me} 00:43, 10 January 2013 (UTC)

• "as a two-part CD singles" Needs sorting

   Fixed - Saulo ^{Talk to Me} 00:43, 10 January 2013 (UTC)

  Rephrased as "made available on two different CD single formats." I can revert if needed. - Saulo ^{Talk to Me} 00:47, 10 January 2013 (UTC)

• What's a middle eight? That's a bit jargony without a link/explanation

  Linked. - Saulo ^{Talk to Me} 00:43, 10 January 2013 (UTC)

• "The track opens with Cole's distorted vocals singing over a "spooky" instrumentation,[6] "Cause I've been sitting back, no chance of rolling / Hoping that nothing ever blows, no no / Boy, did you ever think that loving would be / Nothing more than walking me home, no no."[17]" This doesn't read well.

  Take a look and see if it reads better now... - Saulo ^{Talk to Me} 00:43, 10 January 2013 (UTC)

• Ok, you've made this mistake in a few places, and it goes completely against MOS:LQ. You should only put punctuation inside quote marks when it's in the original quote. If it isn't, it should be outside. Please double-check this.

  Checked the sources and  Fixed - Saulo ^{Talk to Me} 00:43, 10 January 2013 (UTC)

• "While reviewing Ten (2012), David Edwards of Drowned in Sound," What's going on here?

   Removed - Saulo ^{Talk to Me} 00:43, 10 January 2013 (UTC)

• The review section is a little quote. quote. quote. but I'm happy to let that slide at GAC. It'd be picked up on heavily at FAC, though.

  Being a GAC or FAC, the article has to be consistent. To you have any sugestions to make this section better? - Saulo ^{Talk to Me} 00:43, 10 January 2013 (UTC)

• "British tabloids" - DM isn't the most tabloid-y of tabloids, but the real problem is that you've said "tabloids" and only cited one!

  Replaced British tabloids with Daily Mail. - Saulo ^{Talk to Me} 00:43, 10 January 2013 (UTC)

• "It opens with Cole then singing the introduction, as she and the group are seen wearing PVC catsuits while standing in front of a red material." Poorly worded

• The CD single part one and two thing- are they two separate releases? Or were they sold as a pair? I'm not quite clear on that point

  Separate releases, I added to the lead that it was released as "a two-part CD single sold separately". I can reword if needed. - Saulo ^{Talk to Me} 00:43, 10 January 2013 (UTC)

  Rephrased. - Saulo ^{Talk to Me} 00:47, 10 January 2013 (UTC)

• Has the song appeared on any compilation albums? I feel like that belongs in the article. (Now I've said that, is it common practice to leave it out of articles about songs?)

  It has, but as far as I'm concerned, it usually isn't noted on articles. At least many GAs like ...Baby One More Time and Toxic for example do not include the compilations the song has appeared. - Saulo ^{Talk to Me} 00:43, 10 January 2013 (UTC)

• "Girls Aloud (2007). Tangled Up (Liner Notes) (Compact Disc). Girls Aloud. London, England: Fascination Records." Perhaps format this as "Girls Aloud (2007). Tangled Up (liner notes). Girls Aloud. London, England: Fascination Records."? Either way, try to format it the same way as the booklet you cite?

  Take a look. - Saulo ^{Talk to Me} 00:43, 10 January 2013 (UTC)

• I'm not sure I like that it's described as electronic rock, when this is cited to a student newspaper. Having read a few student newspapers, they're generally terrible. It's described as "electro-punk" and "pop" by more reputed sources- perhas go with that and drop the student newspaper altogether?

  Allmusic is more reliable so I replaced with electropunk and sourced. - Saulo ^{Talk to Me} 00:43, 10 January 2013 (UTC)

• Laurence Green is not a professional reviewer, nor is he "of The Guardian"- that's basically just a reader's letter. That source needs to be cut.

   Removed - Saulo ^{Talk to Me} 00:43, 10 January 2013 (UTC)

• "Girls Aloud (24 July 2007). "Girls Aloud Update - 24th July". Bebo. Criterion Capital Partners. Retrieved 9 January 2013." That's not a source by Bebo, it's just on Bebo. Should probably be reformatted to something like "Girls Aloud Bebo blog"

  Reformatted. Criterion Capital Partners stays or it has to be removed? - Saulo ^{Talk to Me} 00:43, 10 January 2013 (UTC)

• "Paul Caslin (2009) [2009] (in English) (Colour, PAL). [Out of Control Tour: Live from the O2 Arena] (Liner notes). London, England: Universal Music." Formatting is odd. Some information there that just isn't needed.

  Take a look. - Saulo ^{Talk to Me} 00:43, 10 January 2013 (UTC)

I've made a few tweaks. This is actually a really strong article- the effort you've put in is clear. A little tweaking here and there, and the removal of those problem sources, and you've got a very strong good article here. J Milburn (talk) 23:02, 9 January 2013 (UTC)

Alright, I've made a few tweaks. The writing's still pretty choppy in places, but this is just GAC; I'm not going to demand perfect prose. This may actually have a shot at FAC, but, if you are going to do that, it's probably best to try to get in a copyeditor. A few quick thoughts, other than the general need for a prose smoothing-

• As I said before, be aware of just throwing in quotes for the sake of quoting. That's not a great writing style. In the review section, for instance, try to discuss it thematically.

  I'll try to paraphrase this section. - Saulo ^{Talk to Me} 01:50, 14 January 2013 (UTC)

• Do we know what studio this was recorded?

  The booklet does not state the location. I'll search for it. - Saulo ^{Talk to Me} 01:50, 14 January 2013 (UTC)

• Have another look through the references; while they all seem reliable, the formatting isn't perfect in places. Note 32, as you asked, "Criterion Capital Partners" should go. "Booklet" needn't be capitalised.

   Removed and  Fixed - Saulo ^{Talk to Me} 01:50, 14 January 2013 (UTC)

• Template:Album cover fur would be nice on the image

   Done - Saulo ^{Talk to Me} 01:50, 14 January 2013 (UTC)

As I say, these aren't necessary at this point- while it isn't perfect, I'm happy to promote to GA status. Great work! J Milburn (talk) 19:39, 13 January 2013 (UTC)

Thanks for taking your time. - Saulo ^{Talk to Me} 01:50, 14 January 2013 (UTC)