Talk:Segata Sanshiro/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: TarkusAB (talk · contribs) 14:17, 10 August 2018 (UTC)

I will review this article. TarkusAB^talk 14:17, 10 August 2018 (UTC)

• To save time on the review, I will make minor corrections myself which I think would go unchallenged. You can revert them if you disagree or modify. I'll bring them up here if I think it's necessary.

Lead

• Do you think the infobox is really necessary? I mean keep a thumbnail image, but all the information in the box can be derived by reading the first paragraph. If you keep the info there and there only, it will invite readers to read the actual article.

Advertising campaign

• "being a karate and iaidō first dan, judo third dan, battoudou and kotachi goshindo fourth dan, and toudou seventh dan," Do we really need to list out all his martial arts rankings? Most of this will sound like nonsense to most readers. Maybe we can say "Fujioka was also a skilled martial artist, experienced in multiple disciplines including karate and judo, making him a close fir for the role."
• "send a strong message to children..." This is mentioned a couple times in the article, but it's not clear to me what strong message they were sending to children. It sounds like it would be some type of moral lesson, but all I hear them saying is Play Sega Saturn.
  • Fujioka himself is not exactly clear in the GamesTM article what that message was, other than to say he felt kids of the time had "no direction". That's why I included the quote of the radio advertisement, in order to try and provide some context.
• "...was approaching and Saturn development had ended." Development on Saturn games had slowed down? Or production on systems had stopped? I think saying development on all Saturn games stopped isn't true because some games still came out after the Dreamcast was out, no?

Later appearances

• "Fujioka returned as Segata in 2013 at a live concert." Do we know what the live concert was for? Was the concert just featuring him or was he just a cameo appearance in something else? I was left wondering

Segata Sanshirō Shinken Yūgi

• Again, is the infobox really necessary. All the points can be summed up in a couple sentences.
• "Shinken Yūgi is noted for" Popcornduff would slap you for using "noted". Noted should only be used for when critics take note of an objective fact, not give opinion.
• "that Shinken Yūgi's best value was its historical value." Fix value repetition
• "When GamesTM interviewed Fujioka, they noted his reaction about the game indicated that he was happy that the game was developed, but also aware that it was not a quality game." This sentence reads horribly. Game is repeated three times.

Done with review. TarkusAB^talk 13:06, 11 August 2018 (UTC)

Everything is addressed minus the comment about Fujioka's "message to children", which as I explained above was not really clear, even in the article it comes from. Red Phoenix ^talk 15:19, 11 August 2018 (UTC)

OK the article satisfies the GA criteria otherwise, so promoting this. TarkusAB^talk 20:49, 11 August 2018 (UTC)