Talk:Scott Niedermayer/GA1
Latest comment: 10 years ago by Secret in topic GA Review
GA Review
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Reviewer: Secret (talk · contribs) 17:17, 3 August 2013 (UTC)
Reviewing.... Secret account 17:17, 3 August 2013 (UTC)
Nicely written article, here is some stuff that I noticed.
- "Niedermayer has earned numerous accolades in recognition of his career." Instead of "in recognition", is it better simply to say throughout?
- Is the BC Hockey Hall of Fame really notable for inclusion? Most state/providence sport Hall of Fame's are usually not, especially for a lead mention.
- "At the 1992 Memorial Cup, he scored seven points in five tournament games...." "Tournament" is redundant, remove.
- "scored his first NHL goal on November 8, 1992, on goaltender Brian Hayward".... On should be against.
- "appeared in 80 games scoring 11 goals" missing comma
- "and added 4 points in 20 playoff games.." Be consistent in numbers under 10.
- "Niedermayer's best season in New Jersey came in 1997–98" I presume you meant best statistical season, as he won a Norris Trophy later in his career which can be considered as his "best season". Reword.
- "set franchise records in 2006–07 for most wins (48) and points (110)." Confused with the use of "points" here, like in scoring?
- I've re-linked Point (ice hockey) there since "point" can have three different meanings in hockey, depending on context. In this case, it reflects the Ducks' W-L-T record. Resolute 21:41, 3 August 2013 (UTC)
- The pair were both named..." Awkward redundancy better as "Both were named...
- "Coming off his fourth championship, the 34-year-old Niedermayer contemplated retirement." Why?
- "Niedermayer earned a reputation for inconsistency early in his career." - Can you clarify it a tad more, the next sentence doesn't explain why.
- "He is an honoured member..." Grammar, and I think honoured is redundant in this case because of the first sentence in the paragraph "Niedermayer has been honoured..." mention the word so remove.
- "The family resides in Newport Beach, California, but spent the off-seasons in Cranbrook" - grammar
- References 27, 46, 48, 54, 56 needs to be consistent with the other HighBeam references.
- References 37 and 50 are dead links.
- Reference 58 has the author listed in the bottom.
- I'm sure reference 65 has a SI Vault link somewhere online.
- Appreciate the review and the comments! I have tried to address all points, with specific notes above where necessary. Thanks! Resolute 21:41, 3 August 2013 (UTC)
Ok good enough, passing Secret account 22:03, 3 August 2013 (UTC)