Talk:Per Brinch Hansen/GA2

GA Review

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Reviewer: Wizardman (talk · contribs) 18:24, 14 August 2016 (UTC)

I'll give this article a review shortly. Wizardman 18:24, 14 August 2016 (UTC)

Here are the issues I found:

• The lead needs to be expanded big time per WP:LEAD.
• Seemingly every paragraph starts with "In [year],", which gets redundant very quickly.
• "and away from programming Brinch Hansen decided to leave, rather than to seek tenure there." move comma to after programming, and rm to after than. You can probably just lump that sentence in with the preceding paragraph as well.
• "Brinch Hansen decided to return to the US, but discovered that their immigration status required them to do so very quickly." this sounds a little odd as worded. They had to move quickly back despite living there for years, or did they have to find a job quickly? Reword a bit to make more clear.
• The scientific contributions section as a whole feels very stilted, given the multiple one-sentence paragraphs and many blockquotes, some of which really aren't long enough to merit blocking off. For that matter, that section does seem overly quote-heavy as well.
• Perhaps most concerning, the majority of the references in the article are his works or his memoirs. Having that kind of source once in a great while for personal life info or a direct quote is fine, but certainly not at the rate that they are being used here. Nearly his entire biography section is sourced right to him when finding secondary sources for that information would not be difficult.

Given the lack of any edits from the nominator since the original nomination back in April, as well as the significance of the issues noted above, I am going to fail this outright rather than put it on hold. Wizardman 19:11, 14 August 2016 (UTC)