Talk:Paul Hunter/GA1

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GA ReviewEdit

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Reviewer: BencherliteTalk 01:21, 2 February 2011 (UTC)

I'll take a look at this. BencherliteTalk 01:21, 2 February 2011 (UTC)

I'm quick-failing this article for numerous instances of non-neutral language. For example:

  • "Four months later, Hunter caused a major sensation at the UK Championship by beating world number six Alan McManus 9–4 in the first round".
  • "at the age of just 17 and three months"
  • "Hunter's achievements earned him high accolades throughout the game" (also unsourced)
  • "it was to be the start of a great love affair that he would have with Wembley" (also unsourced)
  • "where he defeated no fewer than seven players to lift the title "
  • "he announced his arrival as a genuine force at the top of the professional game"
  • "but he saved his best form for the 2001 Masters."
  • "on his way to a famous 10–9 victory,"
  • "but it did not get any less exciting along the way. After a relatively straight-forward 6–3 victory at the round of 16 stage over Stephen Lee, Hunter triumphed in final frame shoot-outs against Peter Ebdon in the quarter-finals, Alan McManus in the semi-finals and most memorably coming from 0–5 down to beat Mark Williams 10–9 in the final"
  • "It represented a fantastic start to the year for Hunter,"
  • "After his best ever season, in which he had been a contender in virtually every tournament he played, it was time for the Yorkshireman to perform in the biggest tournament of all, and that he most certainly did."

I could go on, but the point is made.

Other problems

These are not quick-fail issues, but might help for a future submission.

  • Lead
    • "As well Hunter compiled 114 competitive century breaks [...]" - not grammatically correct
    • "In March 2005 Hunter was diagnosed with neuroendocrine tumours, he died from the disease in 2006[...]" not grammatically correct
  • Early life
    • "By the age of 12 had become an outstanding junior talent." not grammatical, and "outstanding junior talent" is a direct quotation from the source so should either be acknowledged as such or reworded.
    • "He has won many junior tournaments" - wrong tense
  • Early career
    • "the youngster from Leeds made his debut among the professionals" / "before bowing out" - not encyclopaedic tone
    • "before he overcame the John Higgins" - not grammatically correct
  • Masters champion
    • "knocking in four centuries in six frames" - not encyclopaedic tone

I could go on, but again, the point is I hope made.

The "death and legacy" and "personal life" sections have too many one-sentence paragraphs, which ought to be merged together, moved elsewhere, or expanded.

Too many problems in the quick-fail list to ignore. Feel free to resubmit once the article has been rewritten. BencherliteTalk 01:38, 2 February 2011 (UTC)

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