Talk:Patrice Evra/GA2

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Wizardman (talk • contribs • count) 18:05, 11 September 2011 (UTC)

This article's been waiting long enough for a review, so I'll give it a shot. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 18:05, 11 September 2011 (UTC)

Here are the issues I found:

• There are multiple deadlinks. See here.

"Individually, Evra has been named to the" The individually part doesn't really add anything and can be removed.

• "As of 2011, Evra is married to Sandra" I'd remove the as of thing, since if anything does change with that there would be stuff out there on it.
• "He primarily played as a midfielder in the team" on the team.
• "18 matches converting one goal." comma after matches.
• "The player has since credited" can just say Evra or he here.
• "which Monaco surprisingly won 3–1." the surprisingly should be removed, since there's no buildup to why it was such, and it'd be tangential anyway.

Up to Manchester United, will review rest soon. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 04:10, 13 September 2011 (UTC)

Thank you very much for the review, I fixed all of the above.
  – HonorTheKing (talk) 10:59, 13 September 2011 (UTC)

Looks good. Here's the rest of my comments:

• The "On 2 March" sentence comes before the "On 26 February" sentence; to keep things chronological swap the order of them.
• "when Evra had an altercation with a Chelsea groundsman during a warm-down" isn't it a cool-down? I could be wrong, just checking since warm-down's a new term to me.
• "Evra, subseqeuntly," take out those commas.
• "Evra was initially place onto the squad" placed
• "He was, subsequently, named the captain" as above.
• "Evra bored the armband in the team's first two matches;" should be comma instead of semicolon.

I'll put the article on hold and will pass when these final issues are fixed. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 15:12, 13 September 2011 (UTC)

Done. I fixed the above.
  – HonorTheKing (talk) 15:44, 13 September 2011 (UTC)

Everything checks out now, so I'll pass the article as a GA. Wizardman _{Operation Big Bear} 17:49, 13 September 2011 (UTC)