Talk:Paranoid (Ty Dolla Sign song)/GA1

GA Review

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Esprit15d (talk · contribs) 19:33, 7 November 2014 (UTC)

First of, you all have done a great job overall with this article. I especially note the neutrality of the article, the abundance of references, and the neutral tone of the article--which can be a challenge. The images are all great--well-placed in the article and relevant to the material. Also, they have the proper licensing tags.

• Remove the word "about" from this sentence: " "Paranoid" is a hip hop song that lyrically describes about being in fear of getting caught cheating."
• "number 9" -- "nine" should be spelled out.
• "YouTube on October 22, 2013, that features" -- remove the second comma
• There are too many one paragraph subheadings, and many of the could be merged. I would combine the sections "Background," "Composition", and "Release and promotion" into a single section called "Development and release".
• This sentence: ""Paranoid" was originally recorded by Ty Dolla Sign and frequent collaborator Joe Moses, and then included on DJ Mustard's Ketchup mixtape." -- I would rewrite this as ""Paranoid" was originally recorded by Ty Dolla Sign and his frequent collaborator Joe Moses; it was included on DJ Mustard's Ketchup mixtape." (Is Ketchup an album? If so it should italicezed. If it's a single, it should be in quotes)
• "It was then released again on Ty's July 2013 mixtape" -- Ty Dolla Sign should always be referred to by that, not nicknames.
• "Paranoid" is a hip hop song backed by a synthesizer-driven production created by DJ Mustard." -- this should be the first sentence of the new subheading.
• "On August 28, 2013, the audio to the single version featuring B.o.B was premiered." -- This should be combined with the following sentence and say "The song premiered on August 28, 2013, where it was announced that it would be released as a single on September 10, 2013." All the rest is redundant, and doesn't totally make sense (the audio? a song is audio). Also, where was it premiered? On a show? On the website? The next sentence says it was released as a single later, so we should know where it was premiered.
• Skee Live should be italicized, and that sentence should have a reference
• "He was accompanied by Joe Moses who performed his verse on the original version of the song" -- "original version of the song" should say "studio version of the song"
• The sections "Critical reception" and "Commercial performance" can be combined to just a "Reception" section with two paragraphs.
• " on the chart after leaving completely." -- remove that. Redundant.
• "As of March 23, 2014, the song has sold 440,234 digital copies, according to Nielsen Soundscan.[20]" -- Sentences like this one get dated so quickly, and just highlight that the article isn't current. Did the song ever reach gold status (500,000 copies)? If so, put that and the date. If not, just say the song ultimately sold over 400,000 digital copies.
• Every sentence in "Music video" needs a reference, or it appears to be original research. Also, it should include information about the direction, production, budget, where it was filmed, possibly who acted in it, etc...
• All the charts look fantastic. REally well formatted and referenced.

I'm placing it on hold until these matters are addressed. But best wishes, and it should be a GA soon!--Esprit15d • talk • contribs 19:33, 7 November 2014 (UTC)

I think got everything handled down from the list of problems you made about the article. Thank you for reviewing this. DepressedPer (talk) 02:21, 8 November 2014 (UTC)

You've done some great work on the article, and a lot of issues have been addressed. I have a few more notes:

• We still don't know how the song premiered. It just says it premiered. But where? On a show? On his website?
• Great job on finding the gold status of the single. The citation for that fact, however, is unacceptable. I clicked on the link you provided and it worked, so take those directions out and just format the link correctly.
• Specify who Diddy is and what Revolt is. I thought it was a TV show.
• The sentence that begins "The video shows an overly intoxicated..." needs referencing because it's so subjective. Also, could you expand this to talk about the video more "out of universe"? What was the budget? Who directed it? Who acted in it? Where was it filmed? Try to find more scholarly info about it.
• Do you have any information about the commercial success of the remix? How about critical commentary?
• Every place where it says "was premiered" needs to just say "premiered."
• Under "Development and release", there need to be a citation after every period and semi-colon. There are rare occasions when something doesn't need to be referenced, like if it's "attributable" (eg. "Paris is in France"). But unless its that obvious, it needs to be referenced. Also, the first two sentences both start with "Paranoid." So rephrase that.
• Under "Reception" all the reviews about the remix need to go in the remix section. Or, since it was a remix and not a re-make, I would move the remix paragraph to the bottom of the "Development and release" section, and eliminate the remix section. Then you can keep all the reviews together.
• "it included on DJ Mustard's Ketchup mixtape." -- This is missing a verb.
• I would add a few more reviews. There is no magic number, but there aren't that many, and since some pertain strictly to the remix, there are only three for the original song, which is not that extensive a sampling.
• Do you think you could add a music sample to the infobox? It's not required, and I won't fail it for this, but it would be a great addition to the article. It has to be less than 10% of the length of the song, though.

So just a few more things. It's coming along.Esprit15d • talk • contribs 03:50, 8 November 2014 (UTC)

I got through most of the problems but there's a few things about the list I wanted to talk about:

• The citation I used for the RIAA certification was used in another GA article I worked on called "Two Black Cadillacs". Is there another way to ref it.
• Not much more I can find about the remix version.
• News about the behind the scenes of the video is scarce. There's a behind the scenes video for the original version with Joe Moses that didn't get made.
• I'm not that well-versed at adding music samples. DepressedPer (talk) 01:28, 9 November 2014 (UTC)

• The problem is not the source, but the formatting is wrong. Format it correctly like the other website citations in the article. Take those search instructions out of the citation.
• More about the remix is not strictly necessary, but it would be nice. I made a quick search myself and didn't find much.
• YOu should mention (with references) that another video was made but never released.
• Is Ty Dolla Sign usually refered to as "Ty" in more reputable sources? It seems a bit informal, but I'm not familiar with how he is referred to.--Esprit15d • talk • contribs 10:14, 10 November 2014 (UTC)

• Both formats I tried and it resulted in the citation having the search instructions. I checked some GAs and the citation they use shows it.
• Not much references on the video for the original version other than the one I mentioned.
• He's usually referred to as Ty in the reputable sources. DepressedPer (talk) 11:07, 10 November 2014 (UTC)

• You've addressed all the issues I see. The article looks stable and meets the GA requirements, so I'm going to promote it.--Esprit15d • talk • contribs 13:00, 10 November 2014 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.