Talk:Operation Dragoon/GA1
Latest comment: 7 years ago by Dead Mary in topic GA Review
GA Review edit
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Reviewer: Sturmvogel 66 (talk · contribs) 06:27, 6 November 2016 (UTC)
I'll get to this shortly. Be advised that I'll probably be reviewing this in chunks due to its size.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 06:27, 6 November 2016 (UTC)
- No DABs, external links OK.
- Images appropriately licensed, although a bit short on numbers for such a long article.
- clogged up ports hyphen between clogged and up since it's a compound adjective.
- I added a hyphen.
- whose forces would consist of a large French army component awkward. Perhaps "that would include large numbers of French troops"?
- I changed it to your proposal.
- Hyphenate third rate
- I added a hyphen.
- USS Nevada, USS Texas, USS Arkansas, HMS Ramillies tell the reader that these are battleships. Furthermore it might be a good idea to delete the prefixes since you have a long list of them and just go with American battleships, British battleships, etc. to match the usage with Lorraine.
- I removed the pre-fixes and went with "American/British/French battleship xyz".
- Link cruiser, gunfire support, major general, coastal guns, battery
- Done.
- You're way overlinking. Only one link per article is required, although you can have one in the main body and the lede. Install this script and it will highlight all of the overlinks.
- Nice script, I didn't knew that this exists. I removed the overlinks with the script, except for those links which are in the infobox, because it is more helpful for the reader that way. Question if something has been wikilinked in the lead, can it be linked again in the prose text, or should it be removed too? Currently VI Corps and Armee B are linked in both still.
- It's fine to link in both the lede and the main body, as well as the infobox. I always leave the link in the infobox alone, but I will generally remove the link from the main body from short articles. Will review your changes later today as well as the rest of the article.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 16:20, 16 November 2016 (UTC)
- What was de Tassigny's rank? Provide officer's ranks on first mention.
- I added the French rank into the article with a wikilink.
- Good, but I meant in general. Like Neuling, von Schwerin, etc.
- 11th Panzer Division only had two panzer battalions in August '44, one of which was detached and fighting in Normandy. I can source this if you need me to.
- I aded this into the article and rewrote the accompanying sentences a bit. I also added a source for that so its fine. :)
- only second and third grade I think that rate works better than grade.
- Changed.
- Explain that ostlegionen were Soviet volunteers
- I rewrote this passage a bit to make it more clear.
- had several fortifications and coastal guns awkward. They had plenty of guns and fortifications, just not nearly as many as in Normandy.
- I rewrote and expanded this passage a bit to give more infos about the coastal defenses and guns.
- You only need mention the year in the intro since the entire operation takes place during 1944.
- I removed 1944 where it wasn't needed according to your suggestion.
- interrupting railways Are you writing in Brit or American English? The latter generally uses railroad.
- After the CE by the guild it is American english now it seems. I changed to railroads according to your suggestion. British and American Englishes confuses me sometimes.
- American divisions of the U.S. VI Corps The reader already knows that these units are American.
- I removed it where it wasn't needed.
- Explain what a Hs 293 is, tell the reader that a Do-217 is a bomber and provide an English translation of Kampfgeschwader.
- I expanded the sentences to explain the abbreviations.
- Down to German counterattacks, more later.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 16:18, 12 November 2016 (UTC)
- A few minor issue still need attention, but pretty good thus far.
- Remember to convert all measurement from metric to English and vice-versa. 340 mm is the first place that I noticed this. Also delete redundant "heavy" on the second mention of the 340 mm guns.
- The only thing not converted was 340mm, so I added a convert template to inches. I also removed heavy.
- Spell out FFI and provide a brief explanation on first mention.
- I added a small explanation.
- take Saint-Raphaël from the Germans This last clause seems a bit redundant.
- Deleted "from the Germans".
- French troops had been pouring ashore from 16 August I think "since" rather than "from"
- Changed.
- the sea. In northern France, Add "simultaneously" or "at the same time" to link these two situations together.
- Added.
- Here on 18 August, Neuling's surrounded LXII Corps headquarters was finally captured during an attempted escape maneuver. Awkward, rephrase.
- I rephrased the sentence.
- able advance with high speed able "to" advance "at" high speed.
- Changed.
- The 157th Division was a reserve infantry division, not an ordinary infantry division so fix the link.
- Link fixed.
- Hyphenate ad hoc
- Done.
- Wiese planned a large attack major not large
- Changed.
- Explain why Truscott held back the reinforcements from the 45th
- I added a small explanation why he thought it is no appropriate to send more units further north.
- Allied 45th and 3rd Division plural
- I changed divisions to plural and removed the capitalization of the word. Hope thats correct that way.
- overcome the German defenses near Bourg-en-Bresse rephrase, don't use the town name in such close proximity.
- I removed the redundant naming of the town and changed it.
- Link squadron
- Done.
- cut off a major body of the German forces portion or fraction, not body
- Changed.
- On 10 September Dragoon units rephrase
- I rephrased the sentence.
- Truscott hoped to be able to push through the Belfort Gap, but on 14 September the Allied offensive was largely halted. explain why
- Hmm the explanation is in the 2 sentence thereafter. I changed it a bit to make it more clear.
- fighting retreat at the Rhône up the Rhône
- Changed.
- Prior to the Dragoon landings, the French resistance against the Nazi German occupation and the Vichy French puppet government increased drastically awkward, rephrase
- I rephrased it.
- On 9 June, after an attack on the German garrison at Tulle, the 2nd SS Panzer Division impaled 99 civilians while moving towards Northern France. That's not what happened, provide a link to the incident
- Did you mean that they were hanged? I changed that. I think the rest is ok? I also added a wikilink, didnt knew there was an article for that.
- However, the Allies had failed delete "had"
- Done.
- which escaped over a distance of 800 kilometres (500 miles) retreated not escaped
- Changed.
- to the spearheading Allied units leading not spearheading
- Changed.
--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 17:23, 19 November 2016 (UTC)
- I've made a few small changes to expedite this review; see if they work for you. Still one small thing to rework before I can close this.
- that division was responsible for the Oradour-sur-Glane massacre, murdering 642 civilians at Limoges and burning the town. This is confusing, nothing happened in Limoges. The massacre and burning were in Oradour, not Limoges.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 15:36, 23 November 2016 (UTC)