Talk:Olivia. In the Lab. With the Revolver./GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Queenieacoustic (talk) 12:08, 23 June 2011 (UTC)

Comments

Plot

1. "She goes to the bowling alley managed by Sam Weiss" Add a comma after "Weiss".

Production

1. "Kruger was in a relationship with star Joshua Jackson at the time, and requested that her part be as a 'gooey monster', where her 'eyes are popped out' of her head. Kruger subsequently appeared as Miranda Green, the first victim of Metwally's character James Heath." These two sentences are a bit confusing. Did Kruger first star as a gooey monster, and then as Miranda Green?

Reception

Ratings

1. You need to explain when the episode was first broadcast.

Reviews

1. "The episode was viewed positively by CJ Stewart at The Celebrity Cafe, 'Overall," This sentence is a bit indigestible. You could end the first sentence with "The Celebrity Cafe", and start a new sentence with "He wrote" before "Overall".
2. "Stay tuned…" This part is unnecessary.
3. "A.V. Club" should be "The A.V. Club".
4. "But is also wove in..." I assume it should be "it"? If the typo was in the review, you should add a [sic] after the typo.
5. "Despite these small critiques" Add a comma after "critiques".
6. "Several reviewers liked the episode title" Since only two reviewers did, "some" sounds more fitting than "several".

Lead

1. "In terms of production" Add comma after "production".
2. "First broadcasting" Wrong tense, should be "broadcast".

In conclusion

As always, the article looks great and was a pleasure to read. I will put it on hold for seven days so that you can fix the earlier stated problems. Queenieacoustic (talk) 12:08, 23 June 2011 (UTC)

All fixed/tweaked. Thanks again! Ruby2010 comment! 16:52, 23 June 2011 (UTC)

Passed. Queenieacoustic (talk) 16:59, 23 June 2011 (UTC)