Talk:Neuro: Supernatural Detective/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: DragonZero (talk · contribs) 09:33, 2 December 2013 (UTC)

Issues must be resolved for a pass. Suggestions are suggestions

Issues

• "The series tells the story of Neuro Nōgami, a mysteries eater demon who solved all demon world mysteries and came to the human world." This part has grammar issue and is difficult for the general reader to understand.
  • Lead still has grammar issues for plot. I suggest "The series follows Neuro Nōgami, a demon who depends on mysteries for sustenance. Having consumed all the mysteries in the demon world, Neuro travels to the human world in search of more. There, Neuro recruits high school student Yako Katsuragi as a facade for a detective agency."
• "The manga, which consists of 202 chapters collected in 23 tankōbon (collected volumes), was originally serialized in the Shueisha's shōnen manga magazine Weekly Shōnen Jump from February 2005 to April 2009." Consider presenting the information in order for general readers who know nothing about manga to understand it was serialized first then collected
• "In 2011, the anime series was licensed by Viz Media and uploaded to the company's website" Link Viz Media
• "Its critical reception often compared it to Case Closed, noting supernatural themes as the only difference." Grammar.
• "who release negative energy from their planned crimes" Accessibility. Does he eat mysteries or negative energy? Consider removing this part.
• "criminal Shinobu Godai and a sentient braid of hair called Akane, they" I don't think the "they" at the end is needed.
• Ref 3, do not link to an unreliable source for a translation. Consider using the approach of refing the first sentence and last sentence to encapsulate sections which use the same source. Right now I'm assuming ref 3 is covering everything in the second paragraph of production.
• "read or draw. he " Capitalize.
• "Volumes 11 and 12 included the two one-shots that preceded its serialization." Clarify if this is from the normal volumes or Bunkoban.
  • "Bunkoban edition's volumes 11 and 12 included the two one-shots that preceded its serialization." -> Suggest "The Bunkoban edition of volume 11 and 12 included the two one-shots that preceded the series' serialization."
• " on its websites VizAnime and Hulu" Viz Media owns both VizAnime and Hulu?
• Ref 25 is linked to the wrong character.
• Two total sale dates and numbers are not needed. "until April 2009" What does this mean.
• "Manga News said that this is what differentiates it" Is this related to the previous statement?
  • "this is impassivity is what" Grammar
• "a little insurance but the mangaka dares highly innovative plans" What?
  • "The reviewer commented its art has "highly innovative plans" Is highly innovative plans a reception?
    • Still needs to be fixed. Currently, its written to imply the art is scheming or planning something innovative.
      • "Visuellement, les dessins manquent un peu d’assurance mais le mangaka ose des plans très innovants." Is this really praising the art? For the second part, I don't think you can take the literal meaning, which is why "highly innovative plans" doesn't make sense.
• "adding the interesting aspects are others" Seems like an incomplete idea
  • "However, Manga News said that this impassivity is what differentiates it to Case Closed, adding the interesting aspects are others. These aspects are its design, setting, the "interesting and well-constructed characters", and the development of the relationship between Neuro and Yako which were praised by the reviewer, who said the series is "completely apart in the world of manga, Neuro is a genre unto itself which is between several styles and therefore appeal to a wider audience.""First sentence says it differentiates it from Case Closed, but doesn't seem to be neither positive or negative reception. "adding the interesting aspects are others" still doesn't add anything to that sentence. I think you need to rework the second sentence. Are the differences between Case Closed a praise? DragonZero (Talk · Contribs) 05:16, 10 December 2013 (UTC)
    • Manga Sanctuary said it's "unfortunate", and I put a "however" before the Manga News statament. So, if Manga Sanctuary is a critic, Manga News is a praise. I just rewrote a bit both sentence, and you can judge it. Gabriel Yuji (talk) 14:38, 10 December 2013 (UTC)
• Reference 8 and 9 are the same link. Unless they are numbered volumes, you might need to list all 5 books.
• Remove the dead external link.

Suggestions

• It seems as if it was licensed in English. Akin to Crunchyroll licensed titles, consider moving it to the English title.
• "who wants to solve the mystery of her father's murder, which was declared a suicide by the police." IIRC, this was concluded very quickly and is no longer her main motive.
  • What's her reason now?
• "As they solve more cases, Yako becomes a popular detective in Japan, increasing attention from criminals." This doesn't seem to add onto the plot
• Consider using something like Jp. or Japanese for nihongofoot.
• MoS, remove the zeros before a number. Ex, 01 from ref 17
• MoS, Fix all Caps such as ref 25.
• From my experience, all audio releases (unless they were bundled to something) can be found on Oricon. Replace amazon with those.
• Hidden text in video games section. "A special edition of that game contained a CD featuring"
• "not been among the most-watched" Roundabout. "... said he show is of low priority due to its lack of popularity" or something like that.
• Anime News Network's Carlo Santos said that the series walks "the line between serious sleuth drama and supernatural spell-fest", and can also occasionally make jokes, but he said the graphic violence is the best part of the series. The first two ideas are related and can stay in the same sentence. The third idea would be better as a separate sentence. Also, the first idea is quoted while the second idea is paraphrased. It would be better if they matched each other.
• One day, the character list should be merged here.

Hey, DragonZero, thank you for your review! Can you check if did everything that is necessary to pass it as a GA? Gabriel Yuji (talk) 06:03, 5 December 2013 (UTC)

There are still grammar issues. Tell me when you've done a rewrite and I'll check on this again. DragonZero (Talk · Contribs) 06:49, 5 December 2013 (UTC)

I did some corretions. Is it ok now, DragonZero? Gabriel Yuji (talk) 01:17, 7 December 2013 (UTC)

I don't see much issues left. DragonZero (Talk · Contribs) 02:43, 7 December 2013 (UTC)

I fixed other issues, DragonZero. About your suggestions, I renamed it; I didn't removed the zero because it's written on this way in the source; I removed all caps; I have no audio releases sourced by Amazon; I'll try to answer your question about her reason and to merge the characters soon. Gabriel Yuji (talk) 04:07, 7 December 2013 (UTC)

You don't have to do the suggestions to pass GA (those are beyond the scope), only the issues. DragonZero (Talk · Contribs) 05:41, 7 December 2013 (UTC)

DragonZero, I've removed the issue by removing the sentence; and I've completed the idea in the subsequent sentence. Gabriel Yuji (talk) 20:27, 9 December 2013 (UTC)

Passing. DragonZero (Talk · Contribs) 23:23, 10 December 2013 (UTC)