Talk:Naveen Jain/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: LavaBaron (talk · contribs) 00:21, 27 August 2015 (UTC)

1. WELL WRITTEN

• Afterwards, Jain moved on to other companies, like Intelius and now Moon Express, where he is currently a co-founder and chairman. | One can't "currently" be a co-founder. If one was ever the founder one is always the founder. Also, which one is he chair at, Intelius, Moon Express, or both?
• He worked for several tech startups, before accepting a job at Microsoft in 1989. | You used "before" in the preceding sentence as well. It would be better to substitute this with "prior to" or something like that.
• He founded InfoSpace in 1996 in order to create an initial public offering like the one for NetScape Communications he saw at Microsoft. | This is a clumsy sentence and my preference would be to nix everything after the word "offering."
• business-exchange program | I could be wrong but I don't think "business-exchange" is hyphenated. Let me know if I'm wrong.
• on the launch of Microsoft Networks (MSN), | no comma after "(MSN)"
• "Netscape" is used interchangeably with "NetScape" - please standardize to whichever is correct
• "setup" | I think this should be "set up" or "set-up" ... correct me if I'm wrong
• Jain was awarded with the "Light of ..." | The word "with" should be omitted.

2. VERIFIABLE

• exhaustively sourced to a diversity of RS

3. BROAD

• a cursory search of Jain's name in Google, as well as the website of the Seattle Times, reveals nothing substantial that has been omitted

4. NEUTRAL -

• which prohibits stealing, lying and violence | While it may have a RS, calling this out seems not NPOV as all religions prohibit stealing, lying and violence.
• "a highly competitive university," | Even though this is in quotes, I think it should be deleted.

5. STABLE

• no substantial edits since April 2015

6. ILLUSTRATED

• yes, though, of course, more pictures would be nice

Additional comments

It looks like an interesting article on a complicated person. While reading through the article, a number of things caught my attention; there's a significant amount that need fixing in order to meet the Good Article criteria, but it's certainly doable:

• Lead section:

• "His work at InfoSpace was one of the contributors to the dot-com bubble.": This is an extraordinary claim that goes further than the one in the body of the article. It's also rather vague: he was the CEO, so I imagine this has to do with how he steered the company and his policies and decisions in terms of financing, forecasting, etc., and how this in turn affected the high valuation of his company by the markets. Perhaps a more factual statement about him being CEO during the dot-com bubble and subsequent bursting of same would be appropriate, though the article might then need a bit more general information about the bursting.
• "InfoSpace briefly became one of the largest internet companies in the American Northwest": the Growth section says "It became the largest internet business in the American northwest." These two need to agree. (Also, "Northwest" should be capitalized.)
• Second paragraph mentions an MBA, which doesn't appear in the body of the article. (Per WP:LEAD, one of the "Well Written" criteria, the lead section should summarize the article body, not introduce facts that aren't in it.) Also, the MBA needs to be sourced somewhere, including that it was earned in India (assuming it was; see below).

• Infobox:

• the photo caption doesn't match what's supposed to be in this field: when the photo was taken and who by is what the documentation says. Please either replace with that, or delete
• Alma mater lists "XLRI", which is not in the body of the article. The body should include this, along with a suitable source, since it appears he got his MBA here

• Early life:

• First sentence claims Naveen was named after the religion; the source says the family name (surname) is from Jainism. Please fix.
• I'm not sure whether it was germane or undue, but the father's devout Jainism was, according to sources, the reason why he refused bribes (to the point that he sometimes needed a bodyguard). I imagine the editor who added this, like the original sources, meant this strict rectitude as a contrast to Naveen's life's course.
• Second sentence: does the indiawest article actually use the word "poor"? If not, what does the relevant passage actually say?
• "He looked up to businesspeople": since the subject switched in the previous sentence to Naveen's father, "He" is ambiguous here. Please reiterate that it's Naveen.
• "Jain also had an early interest in space." I don't see this in the next referenced source; please add an appropriate inline source.
• It's hard to determine the educational timeline: did he get his MBA before his engineering degree or vice versa? And if he left for the US in 1979 and got "his first job out of college" in 1983, what US college was he at and what degree did he get, if that's what happened? That's pretty basic bio material, and need clarifying. Note that sources disagree: FN3 and FN5 say he emigrated in 1979, but FN4 says it occurred in the "early 1980s". Earlier versions of the article have him moving to Jamshedpur in 1979 to attend XLRI, and said he got his MBA there in 1982. If this is accurate (and it may have been removed because it wasn't), then FN4 would seem to have it right, and the gap between 1979 and 1983 accounted for. In terms of completeness, the article needs to account for this period using reliable sourcing.

• Early career:

• Since the move to Silicon Valley is mentioned here (any idea of when?), then 1988 move to the Seattle area should be mentioned here as well (it's currently in Family), and his marriage might as well be included in the sentence.
• The wikilinks for "Microsoft Network" and "MSN" both end up on the MSN page, but the MSN page's link for "The Microsoft Network" ends up on the MSN Dial-up page. Can you please determine which project Jain was working on, and adjust the links (and maybe the text) accordingly?
• Since Jain joined Microsoft in 1989, and the Microsoft Network launch was in 1995, Jain hadn't been at Microsoft for eight years but only six at that point. The Red Herring source is clearly wrong here, and in some other places (i.e., "Burrows" rather than "Burroughs"); they also give the month of InfoSpace's founding as April rather than March, which makes me wonder about their reliability.
• Netscape's IPO was in 1995 (which also is what the source says), not 1996. (As it happens, it was 15 days before the launch of Windows 95 and the Microsoft Network). This also affects later sentences, since InfoSpace was founded in March 1996, which isn't in the same year as the Netscape IPO.
• Please wikilink "initial public offering" and put "IPO" in parenthesis after it, so the subsequent uses of IPO are clear.
• "with the aim of having his own initial public offering": there's a short-cut here; he intended to bring the company to the point that he could take it public as soon as possible after its founding, but it wasn't his offering, but the company's. The distinction should be made.

• InfoSpace, Growth subsection:

• the second sentence needs revising: "such as" doesn't go well with "to", and "games and information on the stock market" can be read in more than one way.
• the Seattle Times didn't say that InfoSpace was solely responsible for the "legions of young, overnight millionaires", but said it was the "dot-com boom" in the region that created them. As worded, the sentence and its use of the quote is misleading. Please fix. (inserted at 03:56, 29 August 2015 (UTC))
• The InfoSpace IPO was on December 15, 1998, with the stock priced at $15 per share. This should be mentioned somewhere, as it gives context to later events and prices.
• "at its peak was estimated to be worth $31 billion". Is this its market capitalization? If so, its stock price at the time would be useful information.
• "Jain and his work at InfoSpace contributed to the inflated expectations in internet companies": as noted in the lead section, the wording here would profit from a revision.
• "An investigation by the board": please specify that this was the InfoSpace board of directors, since this is their first mention.

• InfoSpace, Crash and fallout subsection:

• first paragraph, "Three months later": it is unclear when during the March 2000 to July 2001 fall that Jain made the claim about the market share (unhyphenated), so adding that he sold three months later doesn't aid in understanding how long into the decline he sold those shares. Also, is this the $80 million sale, or is it the one mentioned in the second paragraph, after making the glowing revenue prediction? Or are they both the same stock sale by Jain, in which case this section needs to be revised to make that clear.
• third paragraph, "which led to a settlement for $105 million": please state who paid whom the $105 million.
• fourth paragraph, "handling of the case" and "dismissed his case": I think the latter should probably be "suit" rather than "case"; in the first, I'm trying to figure out what "the case" means, since his stock management company doesn't seem to have been involved in any legal actions here. Please clarify.
• final paragraph: this may belong in the next section (after Intelius is founded), or a bit more about his leaving InfoSpace and starting Intelius should be here to clarify when these things happened. Also, please state who paid whom in the $83 million settlement.

• Post InfoSpace:

• The article mentions the Intelius IPO filing in 2008, but neglects to mention that the IPO was withdrawn in 2010. This is key information and should be included. (The Seattle Times mentions the withdrawal here.)
• The Telecrunch info came from 2008, a few months after the IPO was filed; the year, at least, should be given.
• "cash-back" should not be hyphenated; for "$20 per-month", either "$20 per month" or "$20-per-month" should be used.

• Family:

• The two sentences here are repetitive; I've already suggested that the move to Seattle belongs earlier in the article, and as he had just married, he probably didn't have a family at that point, just a wife. (The children came later.)
• There is talk of family in Early life, but it's the family he was born to. This very short section should probably be merged elsewhere in the article; there really isn't any need to name all his children, just say how many he has. (Note that his father and brother have not been named either.)

I don't think this will take a huge amount of work, but it will make the article clearer in general and also in terms of what happened when, fix some sourcing issues, and fill out some needed details. Thank you. BlueMoonset (talk) 01:29, 29 August 2015 (UTC)

Thank you for the excellent review. --Ronz (talk) 16:24, 30 August 2015 (UTC)

Disagree with all of the above. I'm willing to pass this to GA with corrections outlined in my review exclusively. LavaBaron (talk) 03:47, 5 September 2015 (UTC)

CorporateM has expressed the need to back off of active editing at this time. I expressed to him a willingness to work on this page, but real life has kept me so busy I couldn't devote any time to the work. I will commence work tomorrow and hope to address the issues described by end of day on Sunday. I thank both editors for kind suggestions and BlueMoonset for a timely reminder. Please allow me 48 hours and I'll attempt to make changes on issues raised. BusterD (talk) 02:18, 10 October 2015 (UTC)

Glad to have you here. I'm extremely busy through most of the month, but I'll try to address any questions as well as point out any relevant past discussions. --Ronz (talk) 15:13, 10 October 2015 (UTC)

Neither group of comments have been addressed in months, so I'm closing this. Wizardman 16:07, 1 January 2016 (UTC)